Wait Until Morning
by Becks Rylynn
Summary: A five part story in the 'Silver Ring' Series. After his return, Ruby and Dean try to deal with the concequences of all the time that has passed, while one of them finds their mental health questioned as they try to move on with their lives. AU.
1. Part One, make it through this day

_AN: Okay, so yeah, this is a sequel to Still Feel You Here, G r a v e s i d e, The Sweetest Sadness In Your Eyes and above and below. If you haven't read those, you might want to because the way they are in this story might not make sense if you haven't read the other stories in the series. Yes, of course this is made for the Katie Cassidy Ruby, the Genevive Cortese Ruby just doesn't work for me._

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.

* * *

**Wait Until Morning**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

**[part one, make it through this day]**

* * *

He's back now, he's home, he's with her, they're both trying to heal, they're both trying to be okay, she doesn't sleep in an empty bed anymore, he isn't being burned by the fires of hell, everything is how it should be. He's alive.

But that doesn't mean it's all okay.

* * *

One month.

That's how long he's been back and she's officially in the middle of a mental break. She thinks she should be starting to heal. She thinks the dreams should have gone away by now. She thinks she shouldn't be afraid to go to sleep anymore. If anything, since he's been back, everything's gotten ten times worse.

At night, she wakes up and finds she's shivering so violently it's making her stomach churn. She doesn't tell him of the dreams, or the fears that haunt her even in her waking moments. She doesn't tell him that whenever he's out of her sight, she's utterly terrified something out there will take him away. She doesn't tell him that at night, when he's asleep beside her, she lies awake, afraid every little noise is something coming to kill him right in front of her. Sometimes, she's so sure that this is all a dream. That in reality, she's somewhere far away, asleep, and he's still six feet under, away from her.

They're irrational fears, she knows this. But that doesn't make them any less terrifying.

It's only a matter of time before he finds out about the dreams, that much is true. One day, she won't be able to hold in her screams any longer.

All her dreams are different. Sometimes it's hell hounds, coming back to get him because there's been a mistake and that stupid angel pulled the wrong damned man out of hell. Sometimes, he simply fades away right in front of her eyes, disappearing like he had never been there at all, leaving behind no trace. Or maybe, sometimes, it's a human danger. A car crash, a random act of violence, hell, even a rare disease. Everything and anything takes him away from her.

But the worst ones, the absolute worst, are the ones where she just can't find him. She knows he's there somewhere, because she keeps hearing his voice whispering in her ear ''I'm here,'' like he's right next to her. No matter how fast she runs, no matter where she goes, she _cannot find him._

Thos are the ones that always result in her locking herself in the bathroom, splintering into a million pieces, hiding away because she doesn't want him to see her cry like a pathetic weakling.

Yes, Ruby knows it's only a matter of time before he figures out everything.

In the meantime, she only has three words she has to remember.

Deny, deny, deny.

* * *

All these questions. Seems everyone is worried about her.

''Ruby, are you feeling alright?''

''I'm fine, Sam, why do you ask?''

''Ruby, you sound tired, have you been getting enough sleep?''

''Yes, Joey, eight hours every night.''

''Ruby, are you ever going to tell me what's wrong?''

''Don't be ridiculous, Dean, everything's fine.''

''Maybe you should sit this one out.''

''Are those boys feeding you enough?''

''Maybe we should stop somewhere so you can get some rest.''

''You should sit down.''

''You're just getting back on your feet, take it easy for awhile.''

''Goddamn it, woman, will you quit being so stubborn and let me take care of you!''

''Ruby....''

''Ruby....''

''Ruby....''

Good God, why are these men treating her like she's made of fucking glass? She is not a fragile piece of china that's going to break as soon as their backs are turned. How many goddamned times does she have to tell them -

_''I'm fine!''_

But she's not fine and they all know it.

* * *

He is not stupid. He sees a lot more then she gives him credit for.

He watches her sometimes, while she sleeps. She doesn't know this, of course, he makes sure of that. He doesn't do it every night, just when he can't sleep. When he can't sleep, he'll sit in a chair next to the bed of whatever crappy motel room they're in, and he'll watch her sleep. Watch her toss and turn and listen to his own name escape her lips in strangled, haunted moans of anguish.

She thinks he doesn't know, about the dreams. But he knows everything about her, every little bit, every little secret, and at this point in their relationship it would be very difficult to keep something from him.

He's been back for one month now and he still doesn't remember what happened to him while he was in hell. It's probably better that way. He's okay with forgetting, he's _not_ okay with her trying so hard to be alright when she's anything but. He's _not _okay with her never getting enough sleep because her nightmares are torturing her. So, sometimes, late at night, he sits, and he waits for the screaming to start.

He tells himself it's for her, it's all for her, he has to make sure she doesn't hurt herself when she thrashes violently in the bed. But there's a small part of him, just a tiny little bit, that feels like it's penance.

During the days, when she's awake, he tries not to crowd her, he tries to keep his distance, tries to let her live her own life, but he_ does _worry. He _does_ try to protect her. His overprotective attitude pisses her off, he knows that. He knows she's trying so hard to be strong and okay, like she was before, but she's not the girl she was, she never will be. She's weaker, almost human.

That scares him more than hell ever could.

He doesn't let her fight, he downright refuses to let her help Sam learn to use his powers, he makes sure she eats enough, and he tries to shield her from everything that's out there. Sometimes he feels more like her father then her boyfriend.

One time, they were on a hunt, just a simple haunting and the ghost decided to try and distract them by throwing pillows at them._ Pillows._ Yeah, it wasn't the smartest supernatural creature they had ever come across. But when those pillows started flying, he threw her to the ground like it was bullets raining down on them, even though he knew for a fact, even if they had been bullets, she was the one person who could take them.

He knows if they got into a fight, a physical fight, she could easily win. She could rip him apart limb from limb, she could send him back to hell with a simple flick of her wrist. Even though he knows all this, he treats her like she's made out of glass because he simply cannot lose her. He_ needs _her.

When he looks in her eyes now, he doesn't see_ her _anymore. All he sees is that girl from a month ago who fractured and cracked apart at the sight of him, breaking down on a dirty bathroom floor.

And he doesn't want to, but sometimes....

....He finds himself questioning if she's really all there anymore.

He's starting to wonder if she'll ever tell him what's wrong, if she'll ever let him fix her. Then, one night, they both reach their breaking point.

* * *

It's late, really late, too late to be out. He's been out ever since the sun went down, trying to do his job and not think about her. When he staggers into the diner, the clock on the wall says it's nearly one thirty. All he wants to do is get some sleep. He doesn't want to deal with this stupid case anymore. Hunting isn't as fun as it used to be. He doesn't remember the last time he got a rush from a fresh kill. He'd really like to stop. Knows he can't.

But enough about that.

They're easy enough to spot. His shaggy haired brother is talking into his phone and as soon as he sees Dean, his voice drops into a low murmur. If it were any other day, Dean would have made some sort of comment, asking his brother if he was talking to a girl. But then his eyes fall on the blonde, slumped against the seat, eyes closed, lips drawn into a thin line, pain etched onto her face like she's fighting against something in her head. He sits down next to her and she moves, just enough to fall against him. He's somewhat horrified to feel her body is rigid and her breathing is ragged. Worried green eyes turn to Sam. ''How long has she - ''

Sam holds up a hand and turns away from his brother, still talking into his phone.

Dean frowns, getting the distinct impression that Sam's talking about him. Finally, the younger Winchester flips his phone shut and turns to Dean, smile firmly in place. His brother narrows his eyes. ''Who was that?''

''Hmm? Oh, no one, just Bobby. We were talking about the case.''

''I'm sure.'' She makes a noise, somewhere between a whisper and a sigh, his eyes cloud with something other than the frustration directed towards his brother. ''How long has she been like this?''

When Sam shrugs, Dean can tell his brother's trying just a little too hard to seem unconcerned. ''Fifteen minutes. Give or take. You should get her to bed.''

_''No.''_ Her voice makes the all mighty Winchester brothers jump, because they had been so sure she was asleep. ''No sleeping,'' she slurs, and they're pretty sure she's so far gone, she doesn't even know what she's saying. ''I won't do it. I won't sleep.''

''You're already half asleep,'' Dean points out.

She makes a very undignified noise. ''Am not. I'm very awake.''

''_Riiiight_,'' Sam draws out the word and leans across the table to meet his brothers eyes. ''I'm fairly certain she's losing it.''

''Go screw yourself, Winchester,'' she snaps, eyes still closed.

''Oh, very nice.''

Dean shakes his head and looks in between his brother and his girlfriend with exasperation. ''What am I going to do with you two?'' She hides her face in his jacket and he feels her start to shiver. He wonders if that means she's just cold, or if it means another nightmare is coming on. He decides he doesn't want to take the chance of her having one of her 'episodes' in the middle of a diner. ''Okay,'' he stands and hauls her to her feet. ''I'm taking you to bed.''

''Not now, Dean, I'm not in the mood.''

At that, Sam lets out a small huff of laugher, but covers it with a cough when Dean sends him a sharp glare.

''I meant for sleeping.''

And that does it. Blue eyes snap open and she stumbles away from him as if he's the worst kind of evil. ''No.'' She shakes her head and blinks to clear her vision. ''What part of no sleeping don't you understand?''

''Ruby, I really think you should get some sleep.''

She crosses her arms and huffs. ''I've decided I'm not going to sleep anymore.''

Dean looks at her, blinks, once, twice, three times. He opens his mouth to speak, no sound comes out. After a million and one seconds, he sighs heavily and pinches the bridge of his nose, turning to his brother. ''Sam - ''

''Hey,'' Sam holds his hands up. ''Don't look at me. I'm not going to get into the middle of this.''

''Baby,'' he takes a hesitant step towards her, she glares at him making him stop in his tracks. ''You can't just decide you're not going to sleep anymore.''

''Already did, honey. Try and stop me.''

Dean waits a moment and weighs his options. He could say something he knows will set her off, possibly ending in a beating for him, or he could watch her kill herself. Well, he knows he's definitely not going with the latter. ''Is this about the dreams?''

He watches her body tense, her breathing speed up, the nervous clenching and unclenching of the fists. She gasps for air that doesn't make it to her lungs. He moves towards her. He thinks he knows what a panic attack looks like by now. She steps away from him, glaring heatedly. ''I'm going away now. Follow me and you'll get knocked on your ass.'' With that she turns away from him, making a mad dash for the bathroom.

''Well, yeah,'' Dean sighs and sinks back into the booth. ''That worked well.'' The brothers are silent for a moment and then the older one rises. ''I'm going after her.''

''She's going to end up beating the pulp out of you.''

''So let her.''

''You can't take care of her, Dean!''

Dean stops and turns away, sure he must have heard his brother wrong. He turns slowly, his green eyes darkening. ''What?''

Sam sighs heavily and rises to his feet. ''She's coming undone, Dean. She isn't the girl who you fell in love with. You know that, right?''

''What's your point?''

''You can't take care of her,'' Sam repeats. ''You don't know how.''

''So, what?'' Dean laughs bitterly. This can't be happening. Sam's supposed to be on his side. Sam's _always_ supposed to be on his side. ''You want me to have her committed or something? Yeah, real great plan, what happens when she tosses someone across the room like a rag doll?''

''I care about her too, you know. I just...'' Sam closes his eyes briefly and jams his hands in his pockets. ''I don't like seeing her this way.''

''That makes two of us.'' He turns to go again, because he can't have this conversation, he can't talk about losing her, about letting her go. He'll take care of her, he'll always take care of her. She'll be just fine. He'll make sure of that.

* * *

_No, no, no, no, no._

She was supposed to be past this. She was supposed to be strong again. Turns out she hasn't healed at all. She's still the same, breaking, making herself sick with unhealthy fears, barely breathing, panic attacks making her fade away until there's nothing left, and.....what is it with her and bathroom floors? Currently, she's collapsed on the floor, trying to breathe and not think about how these floors probably haven't been cleaned since the 70's.

At this moment in time, dying is most definitely easier then breathing.

_Sleep._

The word makes her cringe. Sleep means stumbling into the world where he is gone, and she's all alone with her fears and her breakdown.

She barely manages to suppress a cry as she buries her face in her hands. This isn't how it's supposed to be. She's supposed to be okay, not living in fear that something, anything will rip him away from her. She remembers she was somebody once. Somebody strong. Before the hell hounds took him away. She was strong, a fighter, a tough, kick ass demon fighting on the side of good. She had somebody to love and somebody to love her. She felt real then. Now, she's just a shell.

The door opens and Dean steps through, totally unaffected by the fact that he's in the woman's washroom. ''Ruby....'' He makes a move towards her, like he's going to pick her up off the ground. She crawls away from him, back hitting the wall.

''No.'' She holds up a shaking hand and doesn't look at him. ''No touching. Just....'' She closes her eyes and orders herself to take a deep breath. ''Give me a minute.'' She hears him sigh and then he moves next to her and slides down until he's sitting next to her, being extremely careful not to touch her. She bites down on her lip to keep it from quivering, and keeps her eyes closed. They don't say anything, they don't need to, they've never needed to. The silence between them is easier then words, less painful, if they keep quiet, there's no danger of falling. After eons pass, she speaks. ''They won't go away, Dean.''

He turns towards her, and doesn't respond. She has the floor now. He'll stay silent until she's ready for him to speak.

''I try to make them go away, but I-I can't. I try to be okay, for you, and Sam, and Joey, but....I'm not okay. I-I don't know if I'll ever be okay again.''

''You will, Ruby, I promise you will.''

''Will I?'' Brave tears roll down her cheeks and she doesn't bother to wipe them away. She knows they'll just keep coming anyways. Slowly, she turns to meet those green eyes, the proof that he's really there with her, that he's alive. ''Because I just don't know anymore.''

He stays silent, for just a moment, like he's choosing his next words carefully. ''Can I...'' He swallows hard. ''Can I touch you now?''

''Y-Yeah.''

His hand moves to her cheek, wiping away fallen tears, and then he pulls her into his arms, holding on for dear life. His eyes shine with his own emotions, his own problems, his own fears, as his gaze moves to the ceiling, like he's praying for all the hurting to stop. He knows this is his fault. The way she is, it's his fault. He left her all alone. ''It's going to take time, Ruby.''

''I can't keep going on like this, Dean. It's driving me crazy.''

He pulls away and meets her eyes. ''The dreams?''

She shakes her head and waits a moment before answering. ''Losing you.'' She doesn't look at him for a minute, because she doesn't have the strength anymore. ''Every night I lose you, and each time I do, it takes another piece of me away. If this doesn't stop soon, there won't be anything left of me. I don't understand what's happening, everything was supposed to go back to normal when you came back. I was supposed to get better. But, I'm not. I'm afraid, all the time. Afraid of things I've never been afraid of before. Every noise in the dark, every thing that goes bump in the night, all of it is something coming to take you away and I can't....I can't lose you anymore. It's too hard. It hurts too much. Sometimes, I feel like...'' She gulps down a fractured cry. ''Sometimes, I feel like I'm not going to make it.''

''Hey,'' he reaches out and holds her tight. ''You are not going anywhere...and neither am I. We're in this for the long haul, darlin'.''

''You think you can save me, Dean,'' she whispers, and the calmness of her voice startles her a little. ''But the truth is, I'm not sure you can this time.''

And suddenly, he feels sick, because she sounds so weak and despondent as she says this, and her eyes are devoid of any emotion, of any life. It almost sounds like she's letting go. ''You can't just give up.''

''Maybe not. But I don't think I can hold on much longer either.'' She closes her eyes, exhaustion taking over. ''I don't understand, Dean. How can love, something that's supposed to be so pure and beautiful, make me feel such pain.''

''Love hurts, baby.''

She snorts and moves her head to his shoulder. ''Oh, well, thank you.'' She feels his lips on her forehead and reaches out, holding onto him like he's the only thing left in the world. ''I'm so tired, Dean. Please...'' She chokes back a whimper. ''Help me.''

He holds onto her, the need to keep her safe and warm and in his arms stronger than ever.

''Take care of me.'' She thinks it's strange, begging him to take care of her, because she doesn't remember the last time she's actually asked someone to take care of her. That's now how it's supposed to work. Demons don't need people to take care of them. But, then again, Ruby has never been like the others. She looks up and meets his eyes, and she sees she's not the only one breaking. ''Will you take care of me?''

She's terrifying him, the tormented plea cutting into him like a knife. He's seen some pretty friggin' scary things in his lifetime. Things no one should have to see, but this, her, right now, right here, fragile and ready to shatter, it's the scariest thing of all. He nods slowly, in an unsteady motion and brings her into his arms again. When he speaks, his voice is trembling with all these emotions he's keeping from her. He pushes them away and concentrates on her.

''Always.''

**end part one**

* * *

**AN: And so it begins. Those of you who are hoping things will get better after this, turn away now, because things will most definitely not get better for awhile. You know what they say, ''it's always darkest before dawn'' or something like that. This is by far one of the stories I am most proud of. I like taking an unnatural couple and making them deal with something that is just so human, it's very fun to write. That's really what this series is about. Two people who come from the world of all things paranormal dealing with things so very normal, like grief, love, fear, mental health, panic attacks, nightmares. After all, everyone deals with these things at some point, right? Anyways, part two should be up the day after tomorrow.**


	2. Part Two, breathing in the dark

_AN: Alright, here's chapter two. I don't know really know what to say about this chapter, it's very Deancentric, with a little Ruby, Sam and Castiel. Now, one thing you should know about this story is that it's pretty much an alternate season four. Some things I've kept from season four (like the whole angle thing) but most of it is alternate. Okay, that's enough author yapping._

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.

* * *

**Wait Until Morning**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

**[part two, breathing in the dark]**

* * *

The bed is unmade, just like she is. Messed and rumpled, just like she feels inside. It's just a simple bed. Soft pillows, clean sheets - well, semi clean anyways, you never can tell with these motel beds - warm comforter. To anyone else, a bed is a haven. Someplace where you go to escape the fears you have, someplace you go to fall away from mundane lives and dream a better existence. A bed is simply someplace else.

To Ruby, the bed _is_ the fear.

It's the monster waiting to eat her alive and push her into the world where her one anchor to this life is gone, it's the place where she's going to die. She can feel it. One of these days, she's going to go to sleep, and she's not going to wake up. To her, the bed is the worst monster she's ever seen.

Currently, she's standing at the foot of the monster, arms crossed, head tilted to the side as she studies the bed like she's trying to understand it. She's not aware she has an audience. In the doorway, with his own arms folded across his chest, Dean stands, watching her, his mouth curved into a permanent frown. He recognizes the look on her face. He hasn't seen it in awhile. She's trying to stare down the bed, trying to make it scared of her, like she's scared of it.

A good plan.

You know, if the bed wasn't an inatimate object.

He tears his eyes away from her, but only for a moment. Just to look at the clock. It reads 2:45 am. She's been staring at the bed for ten minutes. In the middle of the room, her chest rises and falls, somewhat unsteadily. In the doorway, his does too.

She breathes.

He breathes with her.

''Are you ever going to lie down?''

She blinks, torn out of her imagination by his voice. A second passes and then she backs up until she hits the wall. ''I....I don't know.'' Her face twists, like she's crying, but her tears have run dry. She goes down to the ground with a despairing dry sob. ''I don't know, Dean. I-I don't think I can do this.'' Her chest tightens, her fists clench, and she stops breathing, because she forgets how.

''Ruby,'' he's crossed the room in less than a second, bending down to her level, and grabbing her shoulders, green meeting blue. ''_Breathe._''

Silence.

Beat.

She breathes.

He breathes with her.

She breaks eye contact. ''No touching,'' she reminds him, and his hands drop away. He takes a step back to give her some breathing room.

''Sorry.''

''I just need - ''

'' - A minute,'' He turns away from her and runs a hand through his hair, ''I know.''

She frowns and leans forwards, because she sees something he can't. It's just for a moment, not even a moment really, barely even a second. She sees the pain in him, and knows she's the one causing it. ''I'm hurting you.'' It's not a question, she knows the truth.

''You're not....'' He breaks off and doesn't say anything for a brief moment. However brief the moment is, it's enough. She feels the guilt start to eat away at her, like it's a harmful toxin. ''You're not hurting me,'' he finishes, with a sigh.

''I am.'' She licks her lip and feels tears she didn't know she had left dripping down her cheeks. They feel like blades cutting into her skin. ''I'm hurting you. You have to take care of me and it hurts you.''

When he turns to face her, his eyes are fierce, almost frightening. ''Stop it, Ruby.'' His voice is nearly a growl, and he doesn't mean to scare her, really, he doesn't, but he needs to get his point across. How can she think she's hurting him when it's painfully obvious he's the one who's hurting her. ''You are _not_ hurting me, baby,'' he whispers, and tries not to meet her eyes, ''you could never hurt me.''

''So you don't....'' She swallows down hot tears and they burn her throat like acid. ''You don't mind that you have to take care of me?''

He closes his eyes and takes a deep shuddering breath. ''I'd take care of you until the end of the world, you know that.'' Uncomfortable with the impassioned remark, he clears his throat and sighs. The small smile that flickers across her frighteningly pale face does little to comfort him and he hesitantly moves forwards, helping her to her feet when he's sure it's okay to touch her. ''You're tired.''

She shakes her head. ''I'm okay.''

''You're a horrible liar. You can go to sleep, Ruby. I'll be right here, I promise.''

She leans forwards and catches his lips in her own and he can practically feel her exhuastion. She's not okay, and he knows it. When she pulls away, she smiles. ''I'm not that tired.''

It's clear she's lying through her teeth, so he does what he has to do, to make sure she makes it through another night. ''Ruby,'' he whispers, hand moving to her cheek, regret already bleeding into his eyes. ''I'm sorry.''

''For what?'' The light in her eyes is back, her eyes are twinkling, if only for a fleeting moment. He hates that he's about to make the light die out.

''For this.''

The next thing she knows, she's in his arms and that evil monster is coming closer and closer. ''No!'' She screams and tries to break free, but his grip is too strong. ''Dean, no! Please, don't!'' But he holds her tighter, against her struggling. She's crying now, gulping sobs as she begs for him to stop and take her away from here. ''Don't! No! No, no, no!'' And then her back hits the mattress and it feels like nails digging into her skin. He holds her down until her body gives out and she passes out, because she's just _so tired._

Swallowing down the ache in his throat, Dean moves away from her and sinks into a nearby chair. In the bed, her breathing evens out, and she sleeps peacefully for the time being. He knows it's only a matter of time before she wakes with a scream. But for now....

She breathes.

He breathes with her.

* * *

It's been two weeks since the night she broke down and asked him to take care of her, and things have gotten bad. _Really_ bad. Every night is the same, this is always how it ends. He's not sure she even remembers the nights in the morning. He knows it's better that way.

He remembers though.

Her screams and pleas echo in his ears long after she's gone silent.

Dean sighs and runs a hand over his tired and worn face. Maybe he'll be able to get some sleep tonight. She whimpers and rolls over in the bed. Maybe not. Most of his night will be spent watching her and waiting for the screams to start.

All he ever does is wait for the screams to start.

* * *

Not long after he gets her into bed, there's a quiet knock on the door and Sam enters. ''Hey,'' he smiles half heartedly. His brother doesn't even look up. ''Dean, why don't you take the night off? Get some rest. I'll watch her.''

''You don't know how,'' Dean barks gruffly, ''she might need to be restrained, you don't know how to do that.''

''This is killing you.''

The older Winchester laughs humorlessly. ''I'll be fine, Sammy. Quit worrying.''

''For God's sake, Dean!'' Sam reaches his brother in two quick strides, kneels down and roughly grabs Dean's face in his hands, forcing the older man to tear his eyes away from the sleeping blonde. ''You're going to end up just like her.''

Dean glares and wrenches out of his brother's grasp. ''Fuck off, Sam. This is my mess. I'm handling it. I broke her,'' he swallows, ''now I have to fix her.''

Sam draws in a deep breath and struggles to hold his brother's attention for just a little longer. ''You don't...You don't get much sleep these days, do you?''

The older brother thinks about not answering, thinks it would be easier. But he does anyways. ''Half the night I spend watching her, the other half I spend trying to convince her that there isn't blood everywhere. 'Cause that's what she sees,'' Dean willingly meets Sam's eyes, green orbs desolate and haunted. ''Blood. Everywhere. _My_ blood. And when she wakes up she's so far gone that I have to restrain her just to keep her from hurting me, from hurting _herself_, because she doesn't believe either of us are real.'' When Sam winces, Dean smirks. ''Is that what you wanted to hear, kid? Is that what you wanted to know?''

There's silence and the space between them, emotional and physical, seems to be growing larger and larger with every word that is not said.

''She's getting worse, Dean,'' Sam whispers, and his voice seems to be begging Dean to understand, to stay with him a little longer. ''Every day, she slips a little further away from us and like it or not, you can't keep living like this forever. You need to get her help. Proper help. She needs someone who can do all you can't for her.''

Dean's throat stings painfully, because the words cut deep. He loves her, he really does, loves her with all that he has, but sometimes he wonders if he's strong enough to keep doing this, taking care of her. What if she never gets better? What if she never heals? What if she never finds her way out of the dark? Will he have to dose her up with heavy medication just to make her less dangerous? Will he find himself working normal jobs just to support his mentally unstable girlfriend? The thought makes him cringe. ''We're doing fine, Sam,'' he says stubbornly and pushes the thoughts away. ''She'll get better, she _will_. We just have to take it day by day. But I am not sending her away. She needs me. She can't...She doesn't work without me. Why do you think she's having this breakdown? She's afraid I'll leave her. It'll get better, we just have to give her time.''

And apparently, for Dean Winchester, Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

''Dean...'' Sam gulps nervously and takes a small, almost reluctant step forwards, wondering if he'll get a punch in the face for his next words. ''You know you can't do this forever. Look, Bobby knows someone who can help her.''

''We've had this conversation before. Yes, we could send her away. But then when she rips someone to shreds using her teeth, what do we say? Radioactive spider bite?''

''This person knows of Ruby's...._abilities. _Dean, I love Ruby too, you know. She's family and I hate seeing her in pain. There are people who are trained to deal with situations like this. Dean, whether you like it or not, you are _not_ what she needs.''

His brother's eyes turn dark, almost murderous, but before he can lunge at his brother, Ruby cries out and bolts upright in bed. Sam watches carefully as Dean freezes, tenses, and then in less than a second, with almost unnatural grace, Dean's holding onto Ruby as she thrashes violently in the bed, sounding like she's choking on something that isn't there. She's choking on his brother's name, Sam realizes with a grimace. Dean doesn't say anything, even as her hands claw at him like he's the worst kind of evil she's ever seen, just calmly restrains her like this is an every day occurrence. With a sickening feeling, Sam realizes this probably is an every day occurrence. For a moment, the younger Winchester wonders why Dean isn't saying anything to comfort her, why he isn't telling her everything's okay, then the truth hits, and he sees her clearly.

She's not awake.

She's still sleeping, obviously having an extremely terrifying nightmare. A second goes by, and then another, and another, and soon a minute's ticked by. Eventually, her screams silence and she falls back into the bed, breathing ragged, chest rising and falling unsteadily. Sam notices, despite how calm he looks, Dean's breathing is also erratic, matching hers down to every last breath beat.

Ruby's breathing.

Dean's breathing with her.

Finally, Dean turns around to face his brother and his eyes are different, disheartened and pleading. ''I'm the only one that knows what she needs, Sammy. I'm the only one that can help her. This, all of this, it's all my fault. I will fix her, Sam, if it's the last thing I do. Things will get better, she'll get through this, but you are not taking her away from me.'' His words are sharp and bitter, almost hollow, and when Sam opens his mouth to say something, Dean turns away and doesn't meet his brother's eyes. ''Now, leave.''

''Just say you'll think about it.''

And Dean wants to refuse, but he can't. ''Fine, I'll think about it.''

Sam waits for a moment, hovering between being there and escaping this dark cave his brother and Ruby are hiding in. There's words bubbling in his throat and before he slips into the light, before he leaves Dean and Ruby in their own darkness, he whispers something else. ''Before I go, ask yourself this question: Are you hanging onto her because she can't be without you, or because _you_ can't be without _her_?''

Slowly burning, Dean tries to control his breathing and when he whirls around to face his brother to yell, Sam's gone. He sighs and collapses back in his chair, jaw twitching, trying not to think about the words haunting his mind. There's a long painful silence and then slowly, he stands and moves closer to her, waiting for her to start screaming. She doesn't. Guardedly, he moves a hand to her slightly fevered skin. He's rather surprised to find his touch doesn't send her disintegrating into ash.

She breathes.

He breathes with her.

And then, in the dark of the night, that fucking angel on his shoulder decides to make an appearance, ''You should tell her.''

He rolls green eyes and turns to Castiel, giving him a once over. ''No, I shouldn't.'' He turns his gaze back to his girl and doesn't intend to say anymore, but he's learned that if Castiel wants to talk you don't really have a choice.

''Don't you think she should know of the pain you're in?'' Castiel asks, in that stupid, damned soothing voice of his, like he's trying to defuse a bomb using only words. Frankly, it annoys the hell out of Dean. ''You're trying to look after her all by yourself when you really should be looking after each other.''

The green eyed Winchester shakes his head and chooses his words carefully, like he's walking on eggshells. ''She's in no shape to even attempt to look after me. Not that I need someone to look after me,'' he adds hastily. His eyes remained locked on the sleeping woman in the bed, hoping if he doesn't say anything, the angel will go away.

Castiel waits a second and then continues, ''You're underestimating her, Dean. She's a lot stronger than you think. For instance, right at this moment she's fighting off a pack of werewolves just to get to you.''

To say that comment surprises Dean would be an understatement, because, well..._huh?_ Cocking an eyebrow, the Winchester turns to the angel. ''Excuse me?''

Castiel nods towards Ruby. ''In her dreams. It's werewolves today. Yesterday, you died on impact in a devastating car crash. I suspect tomorrow might be hell hounds again. She hasn't had that one in ahwile.''

Dean blinks, trying unsuccessfully to form words. After a minute, he draws his lips into a thin line and jabs a warning finger in Castiel's direction. ''Stay out of my girlfriend's head.''

Castiel smiles that lopsided smile of his and Dean barely manages to choke back a growl directed towards the angel that seems to have found a permanent home on his shoulder. Great. He's got an angel on one shoulder and her on the other. ''And anyways,'' Dean continues, purposefully ignoring the amused smile on Castiel's face. ''Why do you even care? You_ do _realize she's a demon right? You're an angel. I thought you hated all demons.''

This time, when angel boy smiles, it's different, barely there, only a ghost, only a glimmer. ''Ruby is different. The demon doesn't rule her. I don't like what's inside of her, Dean, but that is only part of her. Her insides may be made of darkness, but there is hope for her soul. She seems like a very nice girl, a little jumpy though.''

''She's afraid of you.''

''That's unfortunate. She's very....'' Castiel pauses and Dean can tell he's searching for the right thing to say. ''...Undeserving of the pain that's been inflicted upon her.''

Dean lets his eyes grow dull and looks at Ruby again, wishing her eyes were open so those blue irises could give him just a little comfort. ''You mean the pain that I've caused her.''

''I didn't say that. You went to hell. You left her all alone to drown in her grief and misery. True. But you made that deal long before you ever met her. You couldn't have stopped her from falling in love with you, you couldn't have stopped yourself from falling in love with her, and you couldn't have stopped the pain that came with it. Falling in love is never easy, Dean.''

Dean doesn't say anything, what can he say to that? He wishes to believe, but knows he'll never quite be able to. Knows he'll always blame himself for this break in her mental health. ''Do you think...Do you think I should send her away?'' He hates how small and lost his voice sounds, because he is _not_ a little boy anymore. He should be strong. Stronger than this, stronger than breaking. When he looks down, he sees her hand is in his, and wonders if she had reached out and latched onto his hand at some point, or if it was his own achilles heel that made him grab onto her. ''Do you think she'd be better off without me?'' And he doesn't want to know the answer, because he's so damn terrified she _would_ be better off without him.

''No, I don't think you should send her away.''

Hope lights up green eyes and he turns around. But Castiel's not finished.

''But I don't think you're handling this situation the right way either.''

At that, Dean chokes back a noise somewhere between a bitter laugh and a fragmented cry and leans forwards, putting his head in his hands. ''I don't know what else to do.'' Tears form in his eyes and he swallows them down. ''What am I supposed to do?'' He's barely keeping it together now, coming apart at the seams, wondering if he'll ever get his girl back, if life will ever return to normal, if either of them will ever really get over this. He thinks maybe they're doomed.

''You already know what to do. You already know how to heal her, how to heal yourself. You should tell her, you _have_ to tell her. After all,'' Castiel's voice fades to a low murmur. ''You have nightmares of your own, do you not?''

When Dean snaps his head up to glare, the angel is gone, leaving behind no trace that he was ever there, other than the words swirling around in the elder Winchester's head.

_No._

He forces the thoughts away, listens to the ticking of the clock, and tries to control his rapid breathing. He will deal with his own problems, his own issues, his own nightmares, his own personal breakdown, on his own, after she's better. Right now, she is all that matters. The only thing left in a sea of darkness. _I'll find a way eventually, _he tells himself as he sits back down, _a way to make it right._

Maybe someday, he'll tell her of his pain. Maybe someday....

....But not tonight.

Tonight, he'll simply do what he does best.

He'll wait.

In their own darkness, lost in their own minds, both afraid to speak up about their pain....

She breathes.

He breathes with her.

**end part two**

* * *

**AN: So, there you have it, just a little Dean torture for you and the beginning of his own problems (they'll resurface in later chapters). It's just so fun to torture Dean Winchester, who agrees with me? I do realize that in the show, Castiel was not nearly as tolerant of Ruby, but**_** hey**_**, in the show, Ruby isn't blond anymore either, so things change in fanfic! Also, I just wanted to thank the people who've put this story on story alert. Hope this chapter was as good as the last. Part three should be up on Wednesday.**

**Don't forget to click the pretty button that says 'review'!**


	3. Part Three, tie me down to this life

_AN: Alright, here we go, part three. This is definitely a long chapter, longer then the previous two and I think it's one of the best. This is the chapter will actually give you a look into the dreams that have been tormenting Ruby for so long. And get ready for a little action near the end. Okay, enough of my yapping._

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.

* * *

**Wait Until Morning**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

**[part three, tie me down to this life]**

* * *

Hair twisted into a messy ponytail, eyes with permanent dark circles under them, lips a mess of scabs and dried blood from chewing on them too much, yes, she's gotten used to all of these things in the past month and a half. Aside from the difference in appearance, she's picked up a few nervous habits. Barely talking, and when she does, only to Dean, a stutter, pacing, often pulling her sleeves down over her hands to conceal as much skin as possible, if anyone touches her they end up bruised, and then...then there's the sleeping thing.

Over the time that's passed, it's gotten a little easier, but not much. Now, it's only _sometimes_ that Dean has to hold her down until she passes out. When she found out he had been spending every single night in a chair next to the bed, watching her, she put an end to that. She's already having a mental breakdown, she doesn't need him dealing with one too. He sleeps beside her now, right where he should be. Well, sleep is a pretty loose term, she's not sure how much sleep he actually gets.

Things _are _moving forwards for them, really they are. Just very slowly. At least it's something.

Something's better than nothing.

* * *

Her blank blue eyes stare down into the black coffee, which she's sure has gone cold by now. She hasn't even taken a sip. She's not allowed to drink coffee anymore, not since she nearly overdosed on the stuff a few weeks back. Dean doesn't let her drink coffee. Dean doesn't let her do a lot of things. It's morning, a sunny day. She hates it already.

To her, all days should be gray and cloudy. Every sky should threaten rain. Every raindrop that dares fall should be so freezing cold it cuts into skin. Unfortunately, she does not control the weather.

She sighs and drops her head into her hands, bringing her gaze up from the coffee and to the day outside. A shadow falls over her and she feels fear thud through her veins. The last thing she needs is a stranger trying to make conversation. When she looks up, however, she sees it's just Dean. He looks at her for a moment and then slides into the seat across from her.

''Honey, you know you're not supposed to be drinking coffee.''

Wordlessly, she slides the cup away from her towards him.

''Going to talk today?'' He asks, in an impossibly gentle voice, used only for her.

The thought of talking makes her throat ache with panic and she shakes her head, looking away from him nervously, pulling her sleeves over her hands. Across the table, he studies her carefully, no doubt trying to decide what kind of day today is going to be. She _seems_ lucid enough. At least she's not clawing at her own skin, convinced something is crawling underneath. That's a plus.

Growing uncomfortable under his gaze, she looks up and bites down on her lip, wondering what to do next. She could say something, she could reach out and touch him, anything really, but she's too scared and when she finally gains the courage to do something and moves a hand to the table, starting to inch it forwards.....Sam appears. She shrinks back and moves closer to the window, resting her forehead on cool glass.

She might hear Dean sigh, but she can't be sure.

''Ask me why I'm smiling,'' Sam grins, sitting down next to his brother.

''That's a good question,'' Dean smirks, tearing his eyes from her. '' 'Cause it looks a little unnatural.''

''Oh, ha ha.''

She bites down on her lip for a second, but hears Dean clear his throat pointedly and stops._ Don't chew on your lips. _She swallows. Right. No lip biting anymore. Outside, a bird lands on the road, pecking around for some food left on the pavement. A car rolls down the street, startling the bird. It flies out of sight and her attention is snapped back to the brothers.

''Possession,'' Sam's saying happily. She thinks it's strange for someone to be so happy about something so horrible. Then she remembers this is the first time there's been talk of a case since her breakdown started. He's probably itching for some action.

''You're possessed? Well, that explains a lot.''

Sam sneers and reaches out, slapping his brother on the back of the head.

''Ouch!'' Dean glares and moves his hand to the back of his head, clearly not amused. ''Ruby! Sam's using unnecessary force on me.''

''Ruby! I accidentally rendered your boy toy unconcious. That's okay, right?''

Their attempt to get her talking fails miserably, all she manages in response is a wobbly smile that looks more like a grimace. They give up. She tunes out the rest of their conversation and closes her eyes. She doesn't sleep, of course, just sits there, lost in her own reverie. Everything goes quiet around her and suddenly all she can hear is the thump, thump of her own heart. Wait -

That's not _her_ heart.

Against her better judgement, she bites down on her lip. That's Dean's heart. Without her knowledge, the demon senses have taken over and all she can hear is her boyfriend's heartbeat. It's not the first time it's happened. But it usually doesn't happen in the daylight, with people all around her. And the sound's almost lulled her to sleep when she licks her lips, tastes blood and finds herself jolted back to reality and into their conversation.

''Well, what do we do with Ruby? We can't take her with us,'' Sam's whispering, no doubt trying to keep her from hearing.

''We could take her to Joey's. He'd look after her.''

Her insides turn to mush and her palms get sweaty. Soon, she won't be able to breathe and she'll end up humiliating herself in the middle of a diner during sunday morning rush, having a panic attack. No. He can't leave her. He can't! He talked to her about sending her to someone who could help her a few weeks ago. She answered with a powerful punch to the face. The argument ended with both of them on the ground, him with a bloody nose, her having a severe panic attack.

A bad day for both of them.

To prevent that from happening again, she drifts back into their conversation and speaks for the first time in two days, with words that startle all three of them. ''I want to go with you.'' When she opens her eyes, she finds two Winchester's staring at her with their mouths hanging open. ''I-I want to go with you on the h-hunt.'' She gulps nervously and wonders if she's going even crazier. They don't answer, but continue to stare. Finally, she sighs and leans closer. ''Both of you close your mouths, you look like fishes.''

Startled by the long sentence from someone who barely says two words in two weeks, their jaws snap shut.

She tries not to bite her lip.

''You want to....'' Dean trails off and swallows hard, sure he must have heard her wrong. _''....What?''_

''Ruby, I don't think that's a good idea,'' Sam says softly, ''you could get hurt.''

Well, of course she could get hurt. She knows that. She's mentally unstable, not stupid. But right now, her main concern is what will happen to Dean. She knows she can't lose him again. That would send her right off the edge.

''No.'' Even though his voice is harsh and edgy, she can hear the underlying fear in his words. When she looks at him, he shakes his head and purses his lips, eyes darkened. ''Absolutely not. _No fucking way_. You are_ not _going on this hunt, Ruby.''

Her fists clench and she presses her lips tightly together, aggravating her tender lips. Who the hell does he think he is? He can't tell her what to do. Well....actually, he _can_ tell her what to do, but that is not the point. She doesn't appreciate his tone. ''I'm going,'' she growls, and leans forwards, like she's going to whisper some secret. ''And if you try to stop me, I'll break your leg.''

But, then of course, she realizes she's just said more then she's said in three weeks and her breathing changes, speeding up dangerously. In a millisecond, she's gone, because she doesn't want them to see her crack.

* * *

Dean hesitates outside the door, trying to decide whether he should give her some time or go in and check to make sure she's breathing. Exactly five seconds pass and then he panics, bursting through the door. And he was going to say something, really, he was all prepared to go into a long speech about how she's not ready. But he doesn't. He's not prepared for the sight before him.

She's on her back, on the ground, eyes closed. She looks almost peaceful. Strange for her. She's not on the bed, but that's not really surprising. She doesn't like to spend _any_ time on soft mattresses. Silently, without saying a word, because all the words he had been ready to speak have died in his throat, he shuts the door and moves further into the room, towards her. ''Ruby....''

She holds up a hand and whispers something in a shaking voice, ''I'm de-stressing.'' Her throat hurts, and she vows that will be the last thing she says for a long time.

He looks at her like he's trying to decide something, like he's trying to reach an impossible decision. Seconds go by in silence, and then, carefully, he lays down next to her, close enough to listen to her breathing but far enough away so he doesn't touch her. It's silent, and the silence is almost kind of nice. It's very peaceful. If he closes his eyes, he can almost pretend it's all alright. He's not sure how much time goes by, but eventually, he has to stop pretending. His eyes open and he turns them towards her. ''You know, this isn't very comfortable.''

A lazy smile flickers across her face for half a second. She doesn't open her eyes.

''There's no way I'm going to be able to talk you out of this, is there?'' He hopes he'll get a verbal answer from her, he knows he won't.

When she doesn't speak, he's not surprised. She shakes her head firmly and it's more definitive than words. He's the only one who can understand exactly what she isn't saying. Always has, always will. It's a good thing too, because no one else can put up with the fact that she doesn't speak. In their own little world, words are not needed.

''You're not strong enough, Ruby,'' he whispers, his voice lacking the conviction it needs. ''You'll get hurt.''

She shakes her head again.

He huffs. ''You will if you go leaping into the fray, which I know you will. You could get seriously injured. Do you remember when we first met? With the witches? You nearly got yourself killed then and that was when you were at your strongest. Look at this logically, baby, I saved you then - ''

She cuts him off with a very unladylike snort.

He rolls green eyes. ''Okay, yeah, I didn't really kill that bitch to save _you_ then, but we're talking about the present here. What if I can't save you this time? Ruby, I don't want you getting hurt, you're already hurting enough.''

She stays silent - a big shock - and doesn't open her eyes, doesn't even move.

He's not really sure what to make of that, so he continues. ''Will you please let me take you to Joey's? Come on, you like Joey.''

Another stubborn head shake.

''Ruby...'' Blue eyes snap open and meet green ones and he has to bite back a curse, because he knows he can't say no now. Damn those goregeous and expressive eyes of hers. ''Fine,'' he says gruffly and knows he's going to regret this terribly. ''You can come.''

A triumphant smirk lights up empty eyes and she rolls on top of him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. And then of course, she realizes she's just broken one of her rules - _no_ touching - and she rolls off of him quickly, trying to control the shivers that are starting up her spine.

He doesn't say anything. She'll be able to touch him someday, she'll be able to _make contact_ again, she will.

She bites down on her pained lips and rolls onto her stomach, pressing her hand to the ground, palm down, eyes meeting his. She's saying more then she ever could with words. He almost says something, but stays silent, rolling onto his stomach and moving his hand towards hers. They don't touch, but they're close. He's closer to her then he's been in weeks. An almost smile covers her lips.

They both know it's not a lot, this small gesture. But it's something.

It's a start.

* * *

_There are bad things coming, you know this, even as you smile and laugh with Dean, like everything is okay, like the world is not literally crumbling around you. Bad things are coming to take him away from you. You can feel it in your bones._

_It's a beautiful day outside, sunny and warm. You'd like to spend the day at the beach, warm rays of sunshine rolling off of your exposed skin. You'd like to spend the day rolling around in the sand with him, because neither of you are sure how much time you have left. Yes, you'd really like to spend the day at the beach, living a life that means something._

_But you know you can't._

_There are things that have to be done, words that have to be said before...before...before what? You're not sure exactly what's going to happen, what's to come, but you know it isn't good._

_''So...'' He pulls away from your kiss and you sigh, wishing he would bring his lips back. His green eyes are glinting mischievously, like he knows something you don't. ''Are you going to save me this time, darling?''_

_Your arms wind around his neck and you bring yourself closer to him. ''I don't know how.'' Your voice is very calm and serene and you think it's strange because you really shouldn't be this calm. You should be panicking._

_''I do,'' he whispers._

_''Can you tell me how?''_

_He shakes his head, sadness clouding green eyes and he holds you a little tighter. It's very strange, you think. Everything. This place. This conversation. One of the strangest you've ever had. ''I'm going to miss you,'' he says in a gravelly voice, brushing hair from your face. _

_You tingle at his touch. ''Where do you go when you're gone?'' Your voice whispers, even though your lips don't move._

_He shrugs, ''Here, there, everywhere.''_

_There's a snarl from behind you, a dog, something bad, something evil. You whirl around, but there's nothing there. When you turn back to him, he's not there and suddenly, you're outside and it's dark, not even a single star in the moonless sky. Oh no. This is familiar. This is very familiar. You should know what's going to happen next, but you just can't remember. _

_''Dean?'' Your voice trembles and a cold wind that feels like the Devil's fingertips grazes your cheek._

_''Ruby....'' You feel his hands snake around your waist and his voice whispers in your ear even though he's not there. ''They're here.''_

_Growl._

_When you focus your eyes straight ahead, you see glowing red eyes far away in the distance. You turn, but he's not there. The red eyes come closer and closer, and you don't move, don't even scream. That's fine. If they take you, they can't take him. When the red eyes are but a mere second away and you can practically feel their hot breath, your name echoes throughout the night._

_''Ruby!'' His hands roughly shove you out of the way and the hell hounds get him instead of you, ripping him away. He doesn't even scream._

_And the hell hounds take him away for what feels like the millionth time._

_''Where do you go when you're gone?'' Your own voice drawls, so smooth it sounds like a song. There's a different answer this time._

_''I go away...I go where the flames are.''_

_Screams burn your throat like acid, and a terrible, inhuman voice growls in your ear. ''Don't forget to wake up.''_

_You scream._

She opens her eyes to hands on her shoulders, bringing her into consciousness. She's shaking and shivering and crying out, just like every night and she's not getting enough air. Under the touch, she goes rigid and his hands instantly fall away. For some reason, the edges of her vision are going black and there's a loud roaring in her ears, and she doesn't know why.

''Ruby,'' Dean's saying, voice tight, almost like he's on the edge himself, ''you're not breathing. You have to breathe.''

She does as she's told, taking deep, gulping breaths until the feeling that she's going to pass out goes away. He reaches out a hand to touch her and then freezes, knowing he can't. ''Honey...''

Oh, now he's calling her 'honey'. That means the questions are about to start. Are you okay? Do you feel sick? Do you need something? Water? Cool cloth? Half the time, she's pretty sure he doesn't realize he even calls her honey. It's too cutesie for him.

''Are you okay?''

She nods, even though she's not, tears and sweat dripping down her face, her breathing labored.

''Do you feel sick?''

And the routine begins again.

She shakes her head and prepares for the next round of questions. It never comes. Instead, he sighs and when she looks up at him, he's looking away, his own breathing ragged, like he's the one who's just had the panic attack. ''Ruby....'' He meets her eyes and all she sees is desperation. ''Please don't go on the hunt tomorrow.''

Hunt? Tomorrow? What hunt?

Then the memories of yesterday and today come rushing back to her, and she wants to say ''Okay'', she wants to speak, but a million horrible thoughts rush through her head. What will happen if she doesn't go? What will happen if he gets hurt and she isn't there? So, stubbornly, she sets her jaw and manages a jerky shake of her head. To get away from his pleading look, she lays back down, rolling over, away from him.

The silence that comes next isn't the same comfortable silence from yesterday when they came so close to touching. This silence threatens words.

She feels him slip out of bed and then he's in front of her, kneeling down so they're face to face. ''Baby, please just listen to me.'' She nearly snorts at the irony of his words. _Just listen to me._ All she ever does is listen. ''I don't want you to do this. I want you to stay home. Please, Ruby, please.''

She swallows down the aching in her throat and shakes her head firmly, squeezing her eyes shut. He doesn't go away, she doesn't tell him the real reason she's so adamant on going on this stupid hunt. She feels if she can do this, if she can go on the hunt and fight, she'll be one step closer to okay. She'll be one step closer to being Ruby again.

''I will not lose you, Ruby.'' He speaks with more conviction then she's ever heard.

She doesn't say anything. Inside her own mind, she lets her demon senses take over and her unnatural hearing ability surfaces as she listens to his heartbeat.

_Thump, thump, thump, thump._

To her, it almost sounds like beats of encouragement.

_Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe._

Tomorrow will be fine, she lies to herself. Tomorrow she will be Ruby again. She will fight with grace and beauty, she will speak, she will let Dean touch her. She will be okay. Tomorrow.

She's not sure how long she lays there, not sleeping, but not quite awake either, but it must be awhile, because when she opens her eyes, he's right back where he should be, breathing even and there's early morning light filtering in through dirty curtains. Slowly, she rolls over to face him and can't help the small, barely there smile that tugs at the corner of her destroyed lips.

_Thump, thump, thump, thump._

_Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe._

She lifts a shaking hand and moves it towards his face like she's going to touch him. She doesn't. Her hand hovers just above his cheek. That's good enough.

His heart keeps beating.

She keeps breathing.

And she makes it through until morning comes.

* * *

A few steps ahead of her, the brothers are talking business. She tries to tune it out and keeps walking, eyes open, but barely seeing. She can act like she's handling this fine until the cows come home, but in reality, she's scared. Terrified actually. She doesn't want to be doing this. Dean's tense body language says he'd rather be somewhere else too.

They've both been out of the game for far too long.

_This is for Dean, _every little voice in her head chants, _you're doing this for Dean. You have to keep him safe._

She swallows and tries to hear his heartbeat, but her concentration is too far off and she can't hear a thing. Nervously, she pulls her sleeves down over her hands and wraps her arms around her shaking like a leaf body. Everything will be just fine. It's just a routine case. Very simple. Dean will be fine. She thinks she should be a little unnerved by the fact that she doesn't give a second thought to her own safety.

''Ruby, don't bite your lip.''

She's startled out of her thoughts by Dean's voice and the taste of blood in her mouth. She's been biting her lip again. Drawing in a breath, she licks the blood off her lips and swallows it down. Instinctively, she raises a hand to bite down on her nails.

''Ruby, don't bite your nails.''

She draws her hand away quickly and sends a sheepish smile towards Sam. Neither Winchester brother are looking at her, but somehow, her boys still know everything she's doing. They're still taking care of her. A small blush creeps into her cheeks and she focuses her gaze on the ground, choking down the small smile that threatens to cover her lips.

Silence coats all three for a minute and then simultaneously, the brothers speak up, ''Pole.''

She stops short, inches away from running into a telephone pole. She thinks she should thank them, but she doesn't. By the time they get to the front porch of...what was his name? The guy they're supposed to protect. Anyways, by the time she stumbles up the steps, she's beginning to think she's going to throw up. Or pass out. Or both. _Seriously_. She's shaking, which is not helping the nausea, and she's really wishing she hadn't let Dean make her eat something this morning. ''If we're going to do this, you need to have some strength,'' he had said. It was much easier to not say anything and eat what he put in front of her then argue. She's regretting that now.

Taking a deep breath, she shakes it off and tunes back into their conversation. They're arguing about the safest way to break down the locked door without making a scene, because no one's answering and that's not a good sign. And then a strange, foreign feeling courses through her blood. Adrenaline. _Power._ Not much, but enough.

Without making a sound, she pushes in between Dean and Sam, reaches up, grabs a spare key off the top of the door and unlocks the door. When she turns around, with a small satisfied smirk, they're looking at her in amazement. Well, Sam is anyways. Dean's look is different. There's lust clouding in his eyes and she has a strong feeling that he's having a very hard time not taking her right there on the doorstep of a could be murder victim's house. She's pleasantly surprised to find that doesn't make her feel afraid.

And then....

....It all goes to hell.

In the kitchen, behind the counter, there's a broken, mangled body and all the strength drains out of her so fast she nearly falls over. The body on the ground is so eerily similiar to the memory of Dean's violently shredded corpse that it makes her stomach lurch.

Dean and Sam must see what she sees too, because they both turn towards her, both fearful of what's to come.

She can't find air and has to bend over, bracing herself against her knees, breathing coming in wheezing gasps. She can practically feel Dean tense, because he wants to touch her so bad. She catches her breath, barely, and stands straight, meeting green eyes. Then, she speaks, her words a mess of nervous stutters and gasping breaths. ''I...I...I don't...Dean...I'm not...I'm not...I don't think I'm ready.''

His eyes shine with relief and he takes a step forwards, but doesn't touch. ''No,'' his voice is soft and quiet, meant only for her ears, ''I don't think you are.''

The world spins violently and her stomach lurches unpleasantly and she knows what's going to happen next. His name escapes her lips through a closing throat and a moan of pain and then she passes out.

* * *

Okay, so it was stupid.

Foolish.

Reckless.

She knew she wasn't ready, she knew she couldn't do this, she knew she wasn't strong enough. But...it had all been for Dean. All of it. She just couldn't let him go alone. She_ couldn't_.

Of course, now she regrets going more than anything.

When she opens her eyes all she can see is that horribly damaged corpse that lives in her mind. Not the poor man who got caught up in a demonic trap. Dean. _That night_ plays over and over in her mind and she barely manages to pick herself up off the floor and race outside to the bushes before her stomach twists and contorts inside of her and she loses her breakfast.

''Ruby....'' She hears his voice and knows he longs to touch her, to help her, but she's just not ready for that yet.

Instead of touching, she speaks. ''Dean....'' _Deep breaths, Ruby, _a voice in her head encourages, _In and out, in and out._ With a barely audible moan, she licks her cracked and dry and permanently bloody lips and swallows down the bitter taste in her mouth. She takes one step forwards. Just one step, and she whispers a plea, ''Please take me home.''

Her voice is unsteady and she's swaying on her feet. She's trembling and crying and sick and all he wants is to keep her safe in his arms, but he knows he's not allowed. No touching. Never touching.

He knew from the start that this was a bad idea. She's not ready, she's not strong. Not yet. ''Okay.'' He chokes back a cry of his own and takes a step towards her. ''I'll take you home.''

* * *

_His rough, calloused fingers trail up your bare back, making you shiver. You lick your smooth, undamaged lips and roll over to face him, pulling the sheet tighter around your naked body. ''I miss you,'' you say and your voice echoes throughout the entire room, bouncing off the walls._

_''You're letting me touch you,'' he says, running a hand over skin. ''Why?''_

_''I'm not letting you touch me, Dean.'' You laugh and smile a real smile. ''I'm letting you make contact. Touch and contact are different. Two separate things.''_

_''A touch is simple,'' he continues your sentence, like he can read your mind. ''Contact is not. Why do you let me make contact but not him?''_

_''Him who?''_

_''You know who, Ruby. The other me. The real one.''_

_You decide you don't like this conversation, it's making you uncomfortable. Biting down on your lip and damaging your perfect lips, you sit up and turn away from him. ''There are things in the dark, Dean. They want to get you and me. What if they win? What if...What if I touch you and you fall into ashes?''_

_''Why don't you make contact and find out?'' His words are far away and when you turn around, just to see those eyes again, he's not there and instead of a soft bed, there's a coffin and a clock ticks somewhere else. You stand and look down at yourself. The white sheet has become a beautiful, elegant white gown, strangely reminiscent of a wedding dress. ''Dean?'' You take a step towards the coffin, your heart, thump, thump, thumping in your chest._

_Thump, thump, thump, thump._

_Wait - _

_- That's not _your_ heartbeat. It's coming from the coffin._

_''Dean.''_

_''Don't be afraid of the dark, Ruby,'' his voice echoes in your head._

_Black rose petals start to fall from a black sky, like rain, and some get caught in your hair. Slowly, hesitantly, you start to outstretch your hand towards the coffin._

_''The dark isn't what you should be afraid of.''_

_Just before your hand reaches the cold coffin lid, a decomposing hand breaks through wood and latches onto your arm. It's not Dean's hand. It's definitely feminine, and there's a ring you recognize on it's finger. Your eyes widen, because you know now._

_You know who it is._

_A scream forces it's way out of your throat and - _

She bolts upright in bed, clawing at her chest, trying to make herself breathe. She knows who it is. She knows who's here on a murdering rampage, and she knows why. It's because of her. It's all because of her. Her terrified eyes dart wildly around the room for Dean, but then she remembers. He's gone, he's off to fight thinking this is simple, thinking he'll be just fine.

''Oh..._God_.''

She has to get to him, she has to get to her Dean, she has to save him this time. Without even thinking about how incredibly suicidal this new mission is, she throws on her jacket and races out the door, her only thought that she has to get to Dean before that _bitch_ does. Somehow, she's managed to sprint down the stairs without her clumsiness surfacing and she's just starting to run, when a voice speaks up behind her, stopping her in her tracks.

''Hello, Ruby.''

Her blood runs so cold she starts to shiver, and reluctantly, she turns to face an old enemy. Kaia looks different. Auburn hair instead of raven, red lips, new body and she's a lot less dead then the last time Ruby saw her.

Now, at this point, the old Ruby would lunge, ripping apart this woman, this _demon,_ tearing her apart limb from limb with animal like beauty. The new her cowers in fear and takes a step back.

''You thought I'd go for your hunter, didn't you?'' Kaia asks conversationally, circling the blonde that looks ready to fall at any given moment. Her voice is a low southern drawl that is most definitely not her own and she takes a murderous step forwards. ''I've got to say, honey, you've certainly bagged yourself a hottie, haven't you? Bit of a hero complex though. Too bad he can't save you this time.''

Ruby says nothing and wraps her arms around herself, feeling a panic attack coming on at the worst possible time ever.

''What? No witty comeback? Oh, come on, I know you're in the middle of having a nervous breakdown and all, but you've got to give me something to work with. One word, a syllable, even a noise.''

Kaia's one weakness always was that she talked a little too much. Heels click on the pavement as the bloodthirsty cold blooded killer comes closer. Ruby finds herself longing to fight back, but she can't find the strength she needs. She can't even open her mouth to scream, she feels like her lips are glued together. So, this is it? This is how she's going to die? Silently? Well, she always knew what she did to Kaia all those years ago would come back to haunt her.

''You took my life, Ruby,'' Kaia's voice practically trembles with pure rage and her hollow black eyes stare at the blonde as if they're seeing right through her. ''And now I'm going to take yours.'' White hot energy crackles on Kaia's fingertips. She's ready to get revenge on the woman who killed her and sent her to hell. Before she can even raise her hand, all hell breaks loose.

_''Ruby!''_

Ruby lets out a breath, because he's here. Dean's come to save her...again. But.....

Kaia's not going to let that stop her. She raises her hand, sending a bolt of energy towards Ruby. Without even a second of hesitation, Dean pushes Ruby to the ground and takes the hit of magic himself. It's just like her dream, she realizes in horror. He flies backwards and lands on top of a parked car.

Glass breaks, she thinks she might even hear a bone snap.

Kaia laughs. ''Well, that was anticlimactic, wasn't it?''

A body tackles the homicidal maniac to the ground and Sam's voice floats over to the girl on the ground. ''Ruby, stay down!''

But she's too far gone to even hear. _No, no, no, no._ Fear and panic thud through her veins like the world's most lethal drugs. He's gone, he's left her all alone, there's nothing left now. She's not sure how long she stays there, coming apart on the ground because the only thing that matters to her, the only thing that's tying her down to this life is gone. Eventually the sounds of a struggle break through and she looks up to see Sam on the ground, struggling against Kaia's hold on him and a shiny knife shines in the aurburn haired demon's hand.

And then Ruby feels the most peculiar feeling inside of her. Strangely unfitting in her world of fear, panic and emptiness. It's anger. A really, _really_ strong anger. Kaia should have stayed dead. Ruby lets a violent snarl rip through her teeth and rises to her feet, letting black slide over blue for the first time in forever.

Kaia runs a borrowed tongue over borrowed teeth. ''Hey, Ruby. Watch this.'' She raises the knife.

Using everything left in her, Ruby summons all her power and hopes it's enough. It is. Easily, the knife sails out of her enemy's hand and into her own. In less than a millisecond, she throws the knife and it embeds itself in Kaia's throat.

Strangled gasp, orange glow, demon dies, human meatshell goes down.

And all without uttering a word.

Of course, then, all the weight falls on her and her body gives out, crumbling to the ground, tired and drained and cracking just a little more because Dean's gone now, and she's all alone.

Less than twenty feet away, Dean rolls off the car with a groan, shaking glass from him, pain threatening to send him to his knees. _Okay,_ being thrown onto a car by an insane hell bitch was _so_ not on his list of things to do tonight. Jesus, how incredibly_ rude_.

Well, at least he saved Ru -

- His head snaps towards the figure collapsed on the ground, and he knows what's wrong just by looking at her. ''Oh, fuck.'' And he doesn't even feel the pain that he knows is there as he rushes towards his fallen girl. ''Ruby!'' He stops short of touching her and she scrambles to her feet, eyes wide and disbelieving as she soaks in his form.

''Dean...'' Sam picks himself off the ground and brushes dirt off himself. ''She thinks...''

''I know.''

She thinks he's gone.

The pure terror in her eyes is going to haunt him forever, he's sure of that. ''Baby, I'm okay.'' He moves closer and says it again because he's not sure she's believing him. ''I'm okay, I'm okay, I promise.''

She draws in a gulping breath and tries desperately to keep control, but she can't. She can't, she can't, she can't. She's just _so fucking terrified._ Her eyes close and she hears her own voice in her head.

_''What if I touch you and you fall into ashes?''_

Her eyes snap open and she looks at Dean for a moment, and then she makes a choice. Slowly, she reaches out a shaking hand.....

....And makes contact, placing her hand on his chest and feeling his heart beat. He's alive, he's here, he's with her and he is _not _going anywhere.

''I'm okay,'' he whispers again, and she makes a noise, somewhere between a laugh and a sob.

''You're okay,'' she speaks and he thinks it's the most wonderful sound in the world. His eyes twinkle and he can't hold it in any longer. A smile spreads across his face, and then, much to his amazement, she smiles back.

Under the palm of her hand, his heart keeps beating.

She keeps breathing.

The next moment feels like it happens in slow motion. His hand moves on top of hers, holding it in place and it gives her a little strength. Just enough to do what she does next. Carefully, she takes the last step, so that not even inches separate them. ''Dean, I'm going to do something now, because it's what I'm ready for, okay?''

He nods, hand still over hers. ''Okay.''

''I'm going to make contact now.'' And then she leans up and her lips make contact with his, because he's her home, he's her safety and she can touch him, she can _make contact_ and he won't fall into ashes. She knows that now.

_Thump, thump, thump, thump._

His heart keeps beating.

_Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe._

She keeps breathing.

_''A touch is simple,''_ a voice in the cold of the night whispers. _''Contact is not.''_

**end part three**

* * *

**AN: Well, there you have it. Part three. I don't really know what to say about this chapter, other than I hope it was good and I hope everyone liked it. Up next: Everything comes full circle during a visit to Joey's bar. Don't know who Joey is? Well, you should, because he was a main OC character in the other stories in this series. Anyway, more Dean torture in the next chapter. Who's excited?**


	4. Part Four, i'd give it all for you

_AN: Alright, here we go. Part four. Just so you know, it was loosely - and I mean _loosely_ - based on the scene in Heaven and Hell when Dean told Sam all about hell. This chapter is full of Dean angst and Dean/Ruby fluffiness, and I hope you like it._

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters, I just like writing about them.

* * *

**Wait Until Morning**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

**[part four, i'd give it all for you]**

* * *

_''Dean!''_

_You run fast, you run far, until your legs are aching and protesting against every step you take. His voice echoes in your head, like he's trying to give you the strength that seems to be slipping out of your reach._

_''I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.''_

_And you know he is. He's here somewhere, you can feel him. You just can't _find _him. ''Please....'' You're not sure who you're begging to, God, Lucifer, anyone really, you just need to see him, to find him._

_There's tears rolling down your cheeks and each one brings a wave of searing hot pain down your face. Eventually, the pain becomes unbearable and you have to stop, leaning against the wall to catch your breath that isn't there. When the tears drip off your cheek and land with a drip, drip, drip, on your hand, they're red. Not tears, but blood. You cry harder._

_You're not sure where you are, what this place is, but you know you don't like it. It's a dark hallway and somewhere far away, you can hear screaming. This is a bad place, you should be running from it, not towards it, but he's in here somewhere, he's in this building, in this hell, and you are _not _going to leave him here._

_You don't care about yourself, you can die here for all you care. You just want him out of here, you just want him to be safe. Unfortunately, when you think you've gained the strength to keep going, your tired legs give out and you go down to the floor._

_Everything inside of you cracks and breaks, shattering just like glass and you cry out, his name escaping your lips in a desperate sob. Your bloody tears sting your cheeks, like knife blades and you can feel death coming for you. It should scare the hell out of you that you just don't care. It doesn't. The only regret you have is that you can't save Dean._

_Exhaustion takes over and you lay down on the cold ground, praying something will bring you back to Dean. Maybe if you stop crying, you won't bleed out and you can keep going, keep searching, but the tears just keep coming and you know you can't stop them._

_''Dean,'' you whisper, through the blood that's choking you._

_''I'm here.''_

_The darkness behind your eyes comes closer and closer and you let yourself go, let yourself surrender to the darkness, too tired to fight. Before it ends, you say his name one last time, merely a whisper, a plea of forgiveness. ''Dean...''_

_And then, something happens, something that's never happened before. You stop searching, you stop fighting, you stop running towards him._

_You give up._

She opens her eyes and finds everything is all red. She's crying, that white hot pain on her cheeks getting worse and worse, and when she touches her cheeks, her hands come away red with blood, and she can't breathe, and she _doesn't understand._ Why did she give up, she's not supposed to give up, she's supposed to find him.

Beside her, Dean jerks awake, because he's trained himself to be a light sleeper so that when her breathing stops, when her body goes rigid, his eyes snap open out of instinct so he can take care of her. ''Ruby...'' He bolts upright and grabs her hands, stopping her before she can start clawing at her chest in an attempt to search for breath she can't find.

As soon as he touches her, she breathes, coughing and sputtering as air fills her lungs. Tears like knives still cut into her skin, and she wonders what he sees when he looks at her. Can he see the blood too?

No, he can't. He can't see the blood, because _it isn't there_, but he knows there's something different about tonight. Her pain is more then emotional, more then just in her head.

She knows as soon as she stops crying, the blood will stop flowing, but it just hurts so much and she can't _not_ cry. ''Dean...'' Her fingernails dig into his skin painfully in a plea for him to save her. He doesn't even cringe. ''It hurts.''

''Honey, what hurts?''

She collapses into him, sobbing in pain, wishing for the hurting to stop and the blood to dry. ''I...I f-feel like I'm d-dying.''

It's only for a second, not even, but Dean swears his heart stops in his chest.

She knows he doesn't understand, doesn't know what's happening, because he can't see the blood that she knows is there, making her cheeks feel like they're on fire, like her face is burning off slowly. ''They're ripping me open, Dean, they're burning me.'' She pulls away and swipes at her cheeks, yelping in pain when her rough hands only seem to aggravate the pain. ''The blood,'' she whispers, ''it's all over.''

He swallows and feels a knot form in his stomach, because it's been awhile since she's seen blood that isn't there. Almost two weeks. ''Baby, look at me.'' He grabs her shoulders, and forces her to meets his steady eyes. ''There's no blood. You're okay.''

Her eyes grow dull and confused, like she's not really seeing him, and she's doing that thing again. That thing where she scares him so much he's sure his heart's going to give out on him. ''No,'' she shakes her head, ''I'm not okay, Dean, I'm not.''

His words aren't enough to convince her that she's not bleeding, he knows no matter how gentle his voice sounds, no matter what he says, the words will never get through to her. So, he does the only thing he can think of. He stands and lifts her into his arms, telling himself not to grimace at how light she feels.

The next thing she knows, she's in the bathroom, on her feet as Dean holds her shaking body up, and she's staring at her broken reflection in the mirror. There is no blood where she thinks there is, even though she feels it on her flaming cheeks. Her blue eyes, so pale they're almost gray, widen and she licks her lips nervously, taking what's supposed to be a deep calming breath.

''See? There's no blood.''

She turns away from her reflection, and tries to smile weakly, ''Oh.''

He smiles softly, and she's sure it's meant to be comforting, but she can see his own pain hidden behind green eyes. Cautiously, he reaches out a hand to touch her. He's always cautious when he touches her now. Gently, he brushes the tears off her cheeks and instantly, just like magic, his cool fingers put out the fire that's been burning on her skin. Her eyes drift shut at his touch automatically and her entire body relaxes.

A different kind of heat creeps up her neck and she swallows hard, opening her eyes and looking away from him. ''Dean,'' her voice is hoarse from all the crying she's done, and sounds weak and ready to break. ''I'm sorry.''

''For what?''

''For this.'' She looks up at him and feels more tears sting behind her eyes, but refuses to let them fall. ''I-I thought I was getting better.'' And she really had. In the few weeks that have passed since she let Dean make contact with her, things have been getting better. He hardly ever has to hold her down at night, and she's getting a little more sleep nowadays. She still doesn't let anyone but Dean touch her, and when she speaks to anyone who isn't Dean or Sam, she speaks in a stutter. She still can't seem to stop biting her lip, despite her boys constant reminders that one day she's going to bite right through. Of course, the nights are still the worst, but she truly has been getting better, she's made so much progress and silly her, she's actually started to believe she's going to be okay one day. She was stupid to believe. ''I thought I was going to be okay,'' she whispers and now, she feels like it's a lie. She doesn't believe anymore. She doesn't believe she'll ever be okay again, she's damaged beyond repair.

''Hey,'' Dean lifts her chin so he can look into those blue eyes he loves so much. ''You _are_ going to be okay, Ruby, it's just... it's going to take time.''

She gulps back her tears. ''Right. Time.'' When she can finally control her breathing and she feels her throat ache with screams, she shakes her head and pushes them away. ''The very thing we're running out of.'' Before he can answer, she pushes past him and moves back into the bedroom, gliding over to the window, just so she can see the stars.

He stares at the spot where she once stood for several seconds and then whirls around to face her. ''What are you talking about? You plannin' on leaving me, darlin'?'' She doesn't say anything for a moment, but purses her lips, and he can immediately tell his attempt to lighten the mood has unearthed the fear he's buried for months. Is she finally giving up? ''Ruby...'' He says her name just to make sure she's really here with him and not lost somewhere in her own world.

She sighs and closes her eyes briefly, feeling him coming closer and closer. There are things that she needs to say, not good things, but things that need to be addressed. If she's to slip away forever, if she's to get lost in her own mind, she doesn't want him to waste his life by her side, with his hand in hers, in darkness when he should be in light. It's not fair to him. ''Dean, there's a war going on out there, you know that. Sam can't do this alone, and....'' She turns towards him, meets his eyes, and says the words neither one wanted to hear. ''What if I never get better? You can't take care of me forever. You deserve someone who can give you everything, you deserve someone who can bring you into the light, and give you children because,'' she laughs a little and smiles that smile that makes her face light up even though sadness dances in her eyes. ''Let's face it, you, Dean Winchester, were made to be a father.'' She swallows down tears and bites her lip. He doesn't even make a comment. ''If I keep going on this way...'' She crosses her arms, like she's trying to protect herself from something unseen, and whispers words she wishes weren't true. ''...Maybe we should just accept that our time is running out.''

''No,'' he speaks vehemently, taking a few steps towards her, something like fear shining in green eyes as he tries to stay strong. ''Ruby, no. This is...This is crazy. You're just tired, baby.'' He's begging, pleading, because on the outside, he is the strong one, the protector, the one who keeps control, the one who takes care of everybody. But, in reality, deep inside, he is not that strong and the thought of losing her like he knows he's losing Sam nearly brings him to his knees.

''Dean....'' She takes a ragged breath and prays she'll make it through without her voice giving out on her. ''I want...I want to be enough for you, but I....'' When tears swim in her eyes, she shakes her head, like she's trying to shake them away. ''I'm not, I know I'm not. Don't you get it?'' She crosses the room and brings both hands to his face. ''We're wasting away, Dean, both of us. Our love is killing us.'' She knows he's going to protest, try to hang on, so she takes a deep breath and tells him something she swore he would never know. ''There are moments, not even moments really, just seconds where suddenly it's all very clear.'' Her voice takes on a haunted edge and her hands drop to her sides and she looks away from him, eyes focusing on something that isn't really there. He'd be lying if he said it wasn't more then a little frightening. ''I know this is the end of me.'' Her voice is ragged and barely there and he draws in a sharp breath. She looks back at him, as if suddenly realizing he's still there. ''I think...I think I'm dying, baby, and you shouldn't have to see that.''

''Hey!'' His voice is nearly a snarl as he grabs onto her so tightly she's sure there's going to be bruises there tomorrow. ''You are _not _dying.''

''Dean - ''

''I made you a promise, Ruby. The night I came back to you I promised I'd never leave you.'' After a long silence, where he's looking into the distance, trying to avoid her eyes, he looks back. ''And I will keep that promise until my last breath.'' Slightly horrified at the words, he turns away from her. He's just broke his number one rule:_ No chick flick moments._ Of course, once upon a time, _don't fall in love with a demon _and _what's dead should stay dead_ were rules too. Those rules pretty much went out the window when her lips met his and he clawed his way out of his own grave.

There's these words ringing in his ears, ones from long ago, ones he just wants to forget.

_''You should tell her, you _have _to tell her. After all, you have nightmares of your own, do you not?''_

Stupid.

Fucking.

Angel.

There's words in his throat now, and he knows he needs to say them before she fades away, but...but he can't. He's supposed to be the strong one. Slowly, he takes a deep breath and tries to calm his racing heart. ''No one knows how much time they have left, Ruby, that's no reason to just give up. And hey, weren't you the one who said 'when things get hard, you don't run, you hold on tighter'?''

''I'm going to end up killing you.''

Her voice trembles dangerously and he turns to face her, his eyes pleading with her. ''Ruby, please stop this,'' his own voice shakes slightly when he speaks.

''You know, I had this dream tonight, and in it, I couldn't find you. I knew you were there somewhere, I knew if I just ran faster, if I was smarter, stronger, I would find you. But, I never did. It's nothing new, this is a recurring nightmare for me. But, something different happened tonight,'' she pauses and tries to regain control, ''I gave up.''

And he's not really sure what that means, but it doesn't sound good.

She doesn't want to be saying these things, she really doesn't, but she needs him to have a better life, she doesn't want to see what he'll become if he stays with her, she needs at least one of them to be okay. The one person she cannot stand to destroy is Dean Winchester.

She doesn't know he's already pretty much destroyed.

''I've bever given up before, Dean, I've ran and ran until I woke up, but tonight, I did. I laid down on the cold ground and I gave up.''

''Ruby....'' He shifts in the suddenly cold air, trying to breathe. ''It was just a dream.''

'But, it's never_ just _a dream, is it? No dream is _ever just _a dream.''

And at those gut wrenching words, Dean Winchester comes undone and this time, he's the one who fractures and tears apart at the seams. And he tells her _everything._ ''Goddamn it, woman! You really don't get it, do you?!'' Honestly, he feels like smashing something. When he takes a step towards her and she takes a step back, when fear dances in her eyes like a deadly disease at the harshness of his voice, he doesn't stop, because he can't remember how. ''Ruby, I don't know how to work without you. Nothing is the same if you're not here. Do you remember when I came back and I said it took a few days to track you down? It took seven. It was one of the worst weeks of my life and I couldn't understand _why._ Ruby, you...you make me feel things I've never felt before, I need you more than anything in the world, you're my...my...my..._Ruby_, and I have _never_ loved anyone like I love you. And you know what? That scares the hell out of me. _You _terrify me, baby.'' His throat aches and there's something pricking his eyes like needles and there's all these things that he has to say bubbling in his throat and even though he wants to, he _can not_ stop talking.

''But I'm hurting you, Dean.'' It's a weak excuse, she knows that, but she has to try.

''Newsflash, blondie, everybody hurts! I have dreams of my own, you know! I dream of flames on my skin and screams in my ears and the smell of death. It all hurts, Ruby, everything hurts, but I can't say anything because I have to be strong. You have...'' He swallows a cry and takes a step towards her. ''You have no idea what it feels like to be me. Ruby, you know,'' he feels memories invading his mind, memories of the flames and the pain and the torture. ''You know what hell is like. I have to live with that every single day.'' And he doesn't realize what a mistake he's made until it's too late.

Her eyes widen and she takes a step, her stomach jolting unpleasantly. ''Dean, you said...you said you didn't remember.''

He looks away and doesn't meet her eyes, jaw twitching. ''I remembered.'' There's an aching pause before he speaks again, ''I can't remember when it was, but, I...I started having these...these nightmares, and then...eventually, it all came rushing back to me and now I can't....I can't remember how to forget.''

''Oh,'' she lets a strangled sob escape her lips and blinks away tears as she looks at him carefully, chest constricting. ''God, Dean, why didn't you...why didn't you tell me?'' She knows what happens when you go to hell, she knows what you have to do.

''I didn't want to worry you.''

''You didn't want to worry me?!'' She laughs bitterly and throws her arms out, frustration bleeding into her eyes. ''Dean, _this_..._this_ worries me!''

''You want me to tell you?'' His eyes darken and he sets his jaw. ''Okay, fine. Ruby, I went to hell, I spent thirty years on the rack, trying to fight, trying to resist the dark. I spent thirty years being ripped away until there was nothing left, and then...then I would be whole again, and there was always this second, just one second before the torture started again, where I was okay, I was fine, and then, the pain would come. They kept offering to get me off the rack, they kept telling me they could get me away from the pain, if....if I did the torturing. Every time they would offer I would say no, every single time, for thirty years. And then I just couldn't....'' He can't say it out loud and looks away from her, because he's scared he'll see disgust in her eyes, he's afraid he'll see her lose faith in him. ''....I couldn't say no anymore. I couldn't. The pain...I just...couldn't do it anymore.''

''So, you....'' She swallows and tries very hard to have a non reaction. ''You got off the rack and you....''

''Started torturing people, bleeding them dry and listening to them scream? Yeah. I lost track of how many souls I tortured, how many people I tore away like they were nothing at all, like they hadn't been somebody once.'' The silence that falls next is painful enough, but he has more to say, more to get off his chest. ''Ruby, every breath feels like my last. I have to deal with this feeling for the rest of my life and it hurts. Sometimes, I think it hurts more then what they did to me in hell. You and Sam are the_ only _things keeping me here.'' His eyes darken and he snaps his fingers. ''_Oh, yeah! _Let's talk about Sam!''

She blinks and watches as he starts to pace, torn between feeling afraid and concerned, torn between the urge to run from him, and the urge to run towards him. Feeling a chill run through her, she wraps her arms around herself and wripes at her eyes, pushing away tears before they can fall.

Dean doesn't even notice, he's too lost in his own breakdown. ''He doesn't even feel like _my_ Sam anymore. He's slipping through my grasp, he's keeping things from me, he's lying, and he's not my brother anymore. I'm...'' His voice catches and he stops in his tracks, bringing his tortured gaze to her broken one. ''I'm already losing him, Ruby, please don't make me lose you too. I am not that strong, I can't lose you.''

There's silence for a minute, just a minute, and then, with desperation the only thing left inside, he takes the final step towards her, drops to his knees, wraps his arms around her waist and holds on with all he's got. ''Please stay, please stay with me.''

Her eyes close and she bites down on her lip to keep a sob from escaping. It takes her a moment to realize he's crying, because Dean Winchester _does not _cry. In an instant, she falls to her knees and brings a hand to his cheek. ''Dean, you don't have to be strong all the time.''

''Yes, Ruby, I do.''

''No,'' she brings her lips to his and the tears on both their cheeks mix together. ''You don't. Honey, everyone needs to break a little.''

''Ruby...'' He's still holding onto her tightly, because he's afraid to let go, but for her part, she barely seems to notice how tight his grip is. ''Say you won't go, say you won't leave me. Not now. Not _ever._''

''I won't go, Dean,'' she shakes her head and wraps her arms around him, the roles seeming to switch for just one night. ''I won't leave you.''

''I'm sorry,'' he whispers, his voice catching and getting lost in his throat, ''I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry I didn't let you in. I'm sorry, I'm _so sorry_.'' And maybe it's her imagination, but she's pretty sure that by the end, he's not apologizing to her anymore, but everyone he hurt in hell. Now, they're both broken, and they both need to heal.

Her arms tighten around him and she pulls him closer, scratchy carpet itching her legs. ''I'm going to help you, baby, I promise, I'm going to help you.''

She won't know it, he won't tell her, but that's the best thing he's heard in a long time.

Tonight is different. Tonight, she's crying and he's crying and they won't know it until morning, but a major breakthrough has just taken place and they're both one little step closer to being okay.

* * *

Sam puts his hands on his hips and shakes his head in disappointment as he looks at the two people in front of them. ''You two look like shit.''

Ruby shifts in her seat, but doesn't open her eyes. ''Dean...''

Blindly, still half asleep with his head on the table, Dean swats at the air, in a pathetic attempt to smack his brother.

Sam raises an eyebrow and clears his throat to keep from laughing. ''What are you doing?''

''Tryin' to hit you. Am I close yet?''

''Not even remotely.''

The older brother gives up and both Dean and Ruby are silent for a moment, seemingly asleep. Sam reaches out, about to hit his brother on the back of the head, but a strong hand closes around his wrist and Dean effortlessly pulls his brother into the seat next to him, without even opening his eyes. ''Violence is not necessary, Sammy.''

Sam shrugs and with a small smirk on his face, he slams both hands down on the table, effectively waking both hunter and demon from their slumber. Unfortunately, Dean leans back in his chair a little too much and goes crashing to the ground. Everyone in the small cafe turns their head towards him as he rises to his feet. He glares in response. ''What are you all looking at?'' They look away.

A small snicker flitters across Ruby's lips, small enough so that it seems unimportant, but big enough so that both Sam and Dean see it. ''You seem...'' Sam pauses and struggles for the right words to say. ''..._Okay_...today.''

She smiles and shakes her head. ''Not okay.''

''But she'll get there,'' Dean says. Green meets blue from across the table and for the first time in a very long time, they actually, really, truly believe they're both going to be okay eventually.

''Alright! Enough of the eye sex.'' Both look away, towards Sam, matching glares on their faces. He shrugs innocently. ''What? That's what it looked like to me.''

''Well,'' Dean takes a gulp of cold coffee and pushes back a grimace. ''You should get your mind out of the gutter.''

Sam rolls his eyes and looks between the couple. ''You two do realize we were supposed to be on the road by now, right? We're supposed to be at Joey's by nightfall.''

At the sound of the name, Ruby perks up, wringing her hands nervously. Joey. She hasn't seen the man who's become practically family in months. Not because she hasn't wanted to, but because she just doesn't want him to see her like this.

''Ruby...''

Dean's voice snaps her out of her trance and he shoots her a look. Wordlessly, she stops biting her lip and smiles sheepishly. He looks at her carefully and leans across the table, fingering her bloody lip gently. ''Are you sure you're ready for this? Seeing Joey?''

Truth is, she's not sure. True, Joey's seen her through some really hard times, he's seen her cry and splinter, but he's never seen her in the throes of a nervous breakdown. Finally, she manages a jerky nod and a shaky smile. ''Yeah, I'm good.''

Of course, Dean sees right through her crap, and without looking away from her, he digs in his pocket and holds his car keys out to his brother. ''Sam, go get the car.''

The younger Winchester stares at the keys like he's in the middle of a scorching desert and the keys are a bottle of water. ''You...You want me to drive your car?''

''Just bring it around, Sammy, don't get excited. Now take them before I change my mind.''

''You don't have to tell me twice. Actually...you did, but - Bye!'' With a wide grin, Sam snatches the keys and disappears out the doorway, eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.

Dean shakes his head and tears his eyes away from Ruby briefly, to stare after his brother. ''Dude really needs to get laid.'' He's met only by silence and when he looks back at his girl, she's not looking at him, her eyes trained out the window. ''Baby....'' He trails off and stands, moving to sit next to her. She finally brings her gaze back to him.

''Sorry, I just...I don't know if I want him to see me like this.''

He presses his lips to her forehead gently and takes her hand in his. ''You're going to be fine. This is Joey we're talking about, he won't care what you look like, you're like his daughter. All he's going to care about is that he gets to see you.''

For one thousandth of a second, her mind flickers to the night before and she wonders how someone who broke down as bad as he did can be so strong only hours after the fact. She wishes she was like that. A small frown comes to rest on her lips and she leans closer, resting her forehead against his. ''Dean, about last night - ''

He cuts her off with a kiss that doesn't feel real. She should have known. He'll never willingly talk about what happened. ''Later,'' he whispers and she knows there won't be a later. He won't want to talk about what happened last night, because that's just the kind of stubborn man he is. Ruby chokes down a sigh and lets him pull her to her feet and wrap an arm around her.

Neither one of them are one hundred percent. Neither one are okay. She can't sleep through the night without waking up and having a panic attack, he's kept so much inside he's starting to self destruct. If one of them doesn't stop this, they're going to keep going on this way until they both fall from grace

One of them has to stop this.

* * *

_Your blue eyes snap open and all you can see is darkness. There's blood on your cheeks and the floor you're laying on is so cold it's making you shiver. For a moment, you don't know where you are or what you're doing here, or why it feels like there's knives cutting into your skin, and then it all comes rushing back._

_Dean._

_The bloody tears._

_Dean._

_Collapsing on the cold ground in agony because your tears were slicing through skin._

_Dean._

_On shaking feet, you stand and there's a mirror on the wall across from you. There's blood on your cheeks and your hair is disheveled. You look absolutely horrible, like you're watching yourself die slowly. If you could just stop crying, if you could just stop the blood, you could carry on, you could find Dean. But you just can't remember hot to make the tears stop. Hesitantly, you take one step towards the mirror._

_''Ruby, you...you make me feel things I've never felt before, I need you more than anything in the world, you're my...my...my..._Ruby_, and I have _never_ loved anyone like I love you.''_

_You close your eyes and see him, looking so broken and so lost. He needs you. You can't waste any more time waiting for blood that isn't there to dry, you have to find him and save him. ''There's no blood,'' you whisper. ''There's no blood.'' You voice gets a little stronger with each word, and with each word you say, some of the pain goes away. ''There's no blood!''_

_Your eyes snap open and when you look in the mirror, there's no blood and your fierce and determined gaze is enough to make the mirror shatter and fall away like it was never there. _

_This time is different. You are not going to give up this time, because Dean needs you more then ever and you're not going to let him down. ''I'll find you, baby,'' you make a promise to the air and hopes he hears you._

_Strength that wasn't there before returns to your bones and you start to run. You'll find him if it's the last thing you do._

_No more giving up._

_''Dean!''_

She gasps and opens her eyes to the feeling that she's moving. Air isn't reaching her lungs and instinctively, her hands start to claw at her chest, like she's trying to tear it open to make herself breathe.

''Sam,'' she hears a voice say, ''reach around and grab her hands.''

Two strong hands that aren't Dean's grab her hands in a vice like grip, keeping her from clawing at skin, and she doesn't flinch at his touch, like she would usually. ''Ruby, sweetie, you're not breathing,'' Sam's voice floats into her head. After a second, she reaches air and her chest rises and falls unsteadily as she works to regain a steady breathing pattern. Her vision clears and she manages a weak smile towards Sam as he drops the hold he has on her hands.

''You okay?''

She takes a deep calming breath and squeezes her eyes shut, until the feeling of panic passes. ''I'm good.'' When she opens her eyes and looks around, she sees it's twilight outside, and in the front seat, Dean looks like he's having a very hard time restraining himself from jumping into the backseat with her.

When he senses her breathing even out, he calms down and his death grip on the steering wheel loosens. ''Well, that wasn't too bad.''

''Yeah,'' she rakes a hand through her hair and licks dry lips. ''It wasn't a particularly traumatizing dream.''

''Wait a minute,'' Sam looks in between Ruby and Dean like they both have two heads. ''That was a _good_ one?''

''Mmmhmm,'' Ruby sinks back into her seat and massages her temples, grimacing at the headache she can feel coming on. ''On a scale of one to ten, I'd say that was about a four.''

''Last night was a ten,'' Dean comments, sneaking a glance at his brother.

She snorts and pulls her disheveled hair into a ponytail. ''Last night was like a twenty, Dean.'' She watches as he tenses slightly, and tilts her head to the side, studying him carefully. Nothing. He instantly relaxes and pretends he's still okay. She sighs and focuses her gaze out the window. There's a movie playing behind her eyelids, and she's not sure if it's a romance or a drama. In her head, his arms wrap around her waist as he holds on tight, afraid to let go, begging her to stay with him. Her throat constricts painfully and she swallows a cry. She wants to be able to take care of him, she wants to do for him what he's done for her.

She wonders if she's strong enough.

* * *

The door to Joey's bar bangs open and all heads turn towards the newcomer, some hardened eyes lighting up in recognition. Hey, wait a minute, they know that girl. The man behind the counter postively lights up when he sees that blond haired, blue eyed, slightly broken girl he's missed.

''Joey!''

With a smile that feels too big for her face, Ruby races forwards and leaps into the older man's arms, letting him pick her up off the ground and spin her around. Being back here, in this place, in this bar, with the only man who can get away with calling her ''sweetheart'' it feels a little like coming home.

In the doorway, Dean and Sam stand, open mouthed, staring at the woman who, two days ago, wouldn't let anyone but Dean touch her, with her arms around Joey. It takes a moment for the sight in front of them to register and when it does, matching smiles brighten handsome faces and light the shadows on their faces. ''That's my girl,'' Dean murmurs under his breath.

''Yep,'' Sam nods and turns to his brother, ''I told you this was a good idea.''

Slightly breathless, Ruby pulls away from Joey, well aware that the contact doesn't make her body turn to stone like she thought it would.

''How are you, sweetheart?'' Joey asks, in that fatherly voice of his that she's missed, smoothing hair away from her face.

''Today's a good day,'' she answers truthfully.

He steps back and looks her over carefully, as if he's studying every inch of her. ''You look thin. Have those boys been feeding you properly?''

She laughs and it sounds strange and foreign to her ears. It's not all that unpleasant. ''Don't worry, Joe, my boys have been great.'' An arm drapes around her shoulder and she doesn't even tense, leaning into Dean slightly.

The elder Winchester sends Joey one of those charming only for his date's parents smiles, ''Yeah, don't worry about Ruby, she's got the Winchester's looking after her.''

Joey arches an eyebrow and then smiles a wolfish smile, clapping a hand on Dean's shoulder. The younger man tries to bite back a groan at the strong grip. ''Well,'' Joey's eyes twinkle with amusement, ''That's what I like to hear.'' With a wink directed towards Ruby, Joey turns and moves back behind the bar.

Dean grimaces and brings a hand to his shoulder. ''Ow.''

''Toughen up, baby,'' Ruby grins and punches him on the same shoulder, pushing past him and lifting herself onto a barstool. Dean waits until she's not looking to groan in pain. ''So,'' she looks around the bar, spotting a few regulars who nod to her in greeting, including Sherman, the town drunk, who throws her a wave and tips an imaginary hat. ''How are you managing to cope ever since I left?''

Joey smirks dryly. ''I get by.'' He places a glass in front of her and she eyes it wearily.

''Joey, I don't think - ''

''It's water, sweetheart.''

She purses her lips at the familiar words and the corners of her mouth start to curve into a smile.

''So, Joey....'' Sam and Dean both take a seat on either side of their girl out of instinct, like they're ready to grab a hold of her if something happens. The younger Winchester looks at the older man behind the counter with barely concealed excitement in his eyes. ''Bobby says you have something for us. Information.''

Joey's face goes blank, eyes dull and emotionless as he trains his eyes on Sam, mindlessly polishing a glass in his hands. ''No, why would Singer say that? I've been out of the game for a long time, boy.'' Without taking his eyes off Sam, the bartender reaches down and plucks a file from in between dirty glasses. ''I don't know nothin' about nothin'.'' He slaps the file down in front of the young hunter and the corners of his mouth twitch, threatening to curve upwards. ''Got it?''

Sam gulps, barely noticeble and trains his eyes on the file. ''Got it.''

At that, Joey smiles, his eyes crinkling as he turns to Ruby and Dean. ''He's fun to mess with.''

''I've known that my entire life,'' Dean remarks, earning a glare from his brother. The older brother sticks his tongue out in response.

Joey blinks, looks at Sam, then at Dean, and finally, turns his head to Ruby. ''These are the clowns you choose to spend every waking moment with?''

She shrugs. ''I don't understand it either.''

Sam narrows his eyes and looks at Joey suspiciously. ''Why would you say clowns?''

Dean bursts into laughter, but covers it quickly with a coughing fit. ''Sammy's afraid of clowns.''

''Dean's afraid of planes.''

''Hey, planes crash, clownboy!''

''Clowns kill.''

Joey shakes his head and tries to look stern as he looks at Ruby, but she can see the amusement glinting in his warm eyes. ''Seriously, sweetheart?''

''The heart wants what it wants, Joe.'' With a small grin, she slides off the barstool and starts to move away when Dean grabs her arm and spins her around, pulling her back towards him.

''Whoa, whoa, whoa, where are you going?''

''To the bathroom. Why?'' She raises her eyebrow. ''You want to come?''

''Oh, _hell no._'' All eyes turn to Joey, who's shaking his head and looking more than a little disturbed. ''You two are _not_ doing_ that _in my bar.''

''Wow,'' Dean drawls with a small smirk, ''you know, for an old guy you sure have a dirty mind.''

Joey's eyes darken and he leans forwards, gripping Dean's collar. ''Did you just say _old_?''

''Uh...no.''

''No what?''

''No...sir?''

''That's better.''

Ruby's laughter echoes throughout the bar as she walks away and all three men think it's the best thing they've heard in a long time.

* * *

When she looks in the mirror, she sees someone she barely recognizes. She looks..._happy_. Instinctively, her hand goes to her face, like she's checking to make sure this is real. It is. It's funny, she spent so many months in this bar feeling miserable and broken hearted and it's the one place that makes her feel like she's going to be okay. It's strange, but she'll take it.

She's going to heal, she knows that now. She really believes it. Eventually, she_ will _get better. But...what about Dean? She's not the only one who needs to be fixed. She's not the only one with pain. She wonders if she can take care of him like he took care of her. She wonders if he'll let her.

Ruby tilts her head to the side and looks at her reflection for a moment. It almost seems to be begging her to go out there and save Dean from his self destruction. Well, she can do that. She can at least try. Swallowing her fear and gathering all the courage she has, she walks out of the bathroom and marches up to Dean on completely steady feet. ''Dance with me.'' It's not a question, she's not giving him a choice here as she grabs his hand and pulls the stunned Winchester to his feet before he can say anything.

''Ruby, come on, I don't dance.'' He groans in annoyance, but doesn't pull back.

''You do now. I want to talk to you, Dean. Without Joey and Sam listening.''

''Okay, what do you want to talk about?''

It's quiet for a moment as she tries to come up with just the right thing to say, just the right words to make him feel better. After an eternity of waiting, she locks eyes with him and speaks. ''Can I ask you something?''

''You can ask me anything.''

She nods and licks her lips nervously, trying to dig up the courage she has somewhere inside. ''Do I...Do I really scare you?''

For a second, his eyes go blank and he sets his jaw and she's sure he's not going to answer her. But he does. He answers with conviction and emotion in green eyes. ''More than anything else in the world.''

To his surprise, she smiles. A bright, eye crinkling, ear to ear, teasing, Ruby smile that he's missed so much. ''You know, Dean, sometimes a little fear can be good.''

He smiles back and their eyes lock and hold forever. ''Sometimes a little fear can be extraordinary.''

It's a long moment that passes before one of them breaks eye contact. ''Dean...'' She clears her throat and tries to wipe the smile off her face and be serious. She feels the nervous butterflies in her stomach, but knows if they don't talk about this now, they never will. ''I want to talk about last night.''

He winces at the memory of his breakdown. _Ruby, say you won't go, say you won't leave me. Not now. Not ever._ A sigh escapes his lips and he pushes the memory away. The last thing he wants to do is talk about his feelings. ''Ruby, do we really have to - ''

''Yes, Dean, we do.''

''Baby....''

''Look, we either talk about this right here, right now, or we can go back to the room and you can lay your head in my lap while I psychoanalyze you and Wind Beneath My Wings plays in the background.'' There's no mistaking the dry and sarcastic tone of her voice and he smirks a little, because that's been missing from her voice for months.

''Okay, Doc, do your thing.''

Ruby's arms wind around his neck and they don't stop dancing, eyes locked on each other. ''I think...I think I'm not the only one a little broken.''

''Yeah,'' his voice takes on a strained edge and he swallows hard. ''But you knew that already.''

She takes a breath and closes her eyes for just a second, hoping her words will get through to him. ''I don't understand, Dean, I don't understand why you didn't tell me about hell, about everything you were keeping inside. If you had just let all this out before - ''

''I can't!'' He draws in a slightly shaking breath and looks towards Joey and Sam, who look away instantly, trying to pretend they haven't been watching the couple in front of them like they're must see TV. Dean watches as his control starts to fall out of his fingers. ''I can't let it out, Ruby. I have to be the - ''

''Strong one?'' She shakes her head and her hands around his neck move to his face. ''Please stop saying that. You know you can't be strong every day. Baby, you've been taking care of me all this time, will you let me take care of you now?''

''But you're not strong enough.''

Her eyes soften and she gently presses her lips to his. ''You make me strong.''

He doesn't say anything for a moment, he doesn't know what to say, and then he sighs, his throat aching painfully. ''Ruby, do you ever....do you ever wish you could go back to when things were simple?''

''Every day.'' Her smile fades and they both try to put themselves back together again in the absence of their control. ''But we can't go back. We can never go back, you know that.''

His breathing changes, going ragged and tired as he remembers the night before and all the things he said. Hell runs through his memory and he feels pressure building behind green eyes. ''You know, sometimes...sometimes you're the only one who can make me feel.''

''Feel what?''

And he's not sure why he's telling her this now, why he's finally letting his pain out at this moment in time, but he just knows it hurts to much to keep inside anymore. ''Anything. _Alive_. Something other than numb.'' She doesn't respond, because he knows there's something else he has to say. It's his turn now, to splinter and fall to pieces and it's her turn to put the pieces back together, her turn to fix what's broken. ''Ruby...'' His voice gets caught in his throat and he has a hard time forcing the next words out. ''When I was in hell, when I was...doing all the things I did...I couldn't....'' She watches as tears grow in his eyes and her hold on him tightens in fear he'll run away from her. ''...I couldn't feel anything,'' he chokes out through a closing throat. ''I couldn't feel anything at all. I couldn't feel a damn thing.''

She freezes, for half a second, suddenly not sure if she really is strong enough to help him, and then she wraps her arms around him, blinking against her own breakdown. The clock on the wall ticks the minutes away and then she pulls away, bringing both hands to his face in a firm grasp, forcing their eyes to meet. ''You listen to me, Dean Winchester, you and me....we're going to be fine. We're going to be just fine. We will find okay again, I promise.''

''Does this mean....'' He blinks and brushes hair out of her face. ''Does this mean you're going to take care of me?''

With a watery smile, Ruby leans up and kisses his cheek, letting her lips linger a moment too long. ''Always.''

There's still a long way to go before they're both totally healed, but it'll happen someday, they know it will. For the first time since this started, since they both started to break, they both know someday isn't as far away as they think it is.

**end part four**

* * *

**AN: Okay, so, before I talk about everything else, I just wanted to ask, who remembers Sherman? He was in **_**The Sweetest Sadness In Your Eyes.**_** I just put him in there because the person I'm writing this for loved Sherman. Anyway, about this chapter, this chapter was based solely on one scene: the scene where Dean drops to his knees and wraps his arms around her waist, begging her to stay. That scene has been in my head forever, but I could never find a story to incorporate it into, and then I started this story and when I wrote chapter two, I knew I was going to have to make Dean break sooner or later, and it just kind of fit. The disintrgration of the Sam/Dean relationship is, once again, loosely based off of what's happening in season four, but the main reason I put it in there is because it's going to be a plot point in the sequel, **_**Pace Yourself**_** - not sure when that's going to be posted - . **

**So, there's only one more part, and it's going to be quite fluffy because it's mainly just an epilouge, filled with romance and sickeningly sweet declarations of love. Yeah, should be fun! On the bright side, there will be a love scene between Dean and Ruby after months of no sex. I'm not great at love scenes, so I don't know how that will turn out, but, oh well!**


	5. Part Five, long way home

_AN: Oh, I'm so so sorry it took me this long to post this chapter, but _damn_, was it ever hard to write. It is the final chapter and it is shamless fluff, free of angst (for the most part) and hey, this chapter even has some dirty humor. Yep, I think this story is very well rounded. Anyways, hope you all like this chapter, I worked really hard to write it and I hope it's as good as all the others._

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.

* * *

**Wait Until Morning**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

**[part five, long way home]**

* * *

There was no way they could have known what they would mean to each other.

All that time ago, on that dark night, a slight breeze in the air, Dean Winchester first laid eyes on Ruby. Pulled a gun on her actually. They had both known from the start that there was....._something_. Electricity crackled in between them at first sight. Why do you think she distanced herself from him so much that night? Why do you think he waited until he_ knew _Sam would ruin the shot to pull the trigger? Yes, they both knew from the get go that there was _something_ between them.

But they had absolutely _no_ idea what they were about to get themselves into. Really, how could they? They had no idea that night sealed their fate. There was no way they could have known that they would both fall so hard, so fast, for each other.

Back then, on that starry night, they both couldn't wait to get away from each other and the confusing tingling under their skin. Now, they can't stand to be apart. Back then, he called her 'bitch' and she called him 'short bus'. Now, he calls her 'honey' and she calls him 'baby'. Back then, a silver ring resided on his finger. Now, it lives on her finger, a piece of hope in a dark world. Back then....

She was just a demon, and he was just a hunter.

Now...

She's his girl, his everything, and he's her anchor, her knight in a shining black Impala.

Back then, they really couldn't have known how much that night would change things.

Love's funny like that.

* * *

_Come on, come on, hurry up already!_

She watches the object in front of her with a desperate intensity, fingers drumming mindlessly on the table top. Finally, after eternity, the object dings and Ruby smiles in satisfaction as she reaches out and pours herself a cup of coffee. In retrospect, she probably shouldn't have taken a moment to inhale the rich, warm aroma, because just as she's bringing the cup to her lips, a hand reaches out and takes it from her.

''Thank you, honey,'' Dean pecks her on the lips and sends her a wink and a cocky smirk, moving away before she can comment.

Open mouthed, she stares after him for a second, blinking, and then she shakes her head and pours herself another cup of coffee. Once again, someone takes it from her hand.

''Ooh, coffee. Thanks, Ruby.'' Sam grins that lopsided Winchester smile and presses a quick kiss to her cheek, before he joins his brother at the table. Neither one seem to notice the way she's gaping at them, and then she sees them share a glance, lips twitching, and she gets it.

Narrowing her eyes, she puts her hands on her hips and glares, hoping it looks intimidating. ''Bullies.''

''You're not supposed to be drinking coffee,'' Dean points out, with a slight hint of amusement.

Sam nods in agreement and trains his eyes on their girl. ''It makes you all paranoid and your words all jumble together - ''

'' - And then you end up throwing it all up,'' Dean continues flawlessly.

''That only happened once,'' she murmurs under her breath. Dean holds up two fingers and she sighs, rolling her eyes. ''Okay, fine, it happened twice.'' Dramatically, she moves over to the motel bed and falls backwards. ''So, let me clarify this, you're never going to let me drink coffee again?''

The brothers look at each other and in unision, shake their heads. ''No.''

She mutters a string of expletives under her breath.

''Hey,'' Sam waves a finger in her direction, ''I heard that.''

''Yeah, Sailor,'' the older Winchester adds, green eyes glimmering with mischief, ''you should watch your mouth.''

Her eyes twinkle and when they both raise their coffee cups to their lips, two pillows fly through the air and - _Splash! _Two coffee soaked Winchesters. They blink, look at each other, and silently hold their cups out to her.

She grins, cheekily. ''Good boys.''

* * *

Over the month that has passed since that night at Joey's, things are finally looking up for this family. They both still have a long way to go, of course. She has yet to sleep through an entire night and he still feels guilt gnawing at him, but they both know they're going to make it. Her panic attacks have slowed, occasionally she even makes it through a whole day without gasping for air. She has good days and bad. On the bad days, she finds herself plunging head first into dark waters again, crying and shaking and cracking and breaking, sure this is the end. Somehow, Dean always manages to pull her out before she drowns. On the good days, her eyes sparkle and shine and she feels like Ruby again, like she's ready to find the light again. She's almost normal on the good days.

As for Dean, he's still scared of the way he loves her, it's new for him. He still dreams of hell sometimes, he thinks that might be something he'll never be able to forget. But, the big difference is that he talks to her. He opens up, he doesn't keep it inside. He does let her take care of him when he's not strong. His relationship with Sam has gotten a little better, and he feels like one of these days, his brother might just tell him everything he's hiding.

All in all, things are good. It's going to be a long, slow recovery, they're both aware of that. It's going to take awhile to reach totally okay. But they're getting there.

* * *

Dean glances in the rearview mirror for the millionth time, checking on his sleeping girlfriend, as if to make sure she's still breathing. She is. She's breathing in and out in a somewhat steady way.

''Dean,'' Sam sighs, wearily and resists the urge to roll his eyes. ''If you can't keep your eyes on the road, I'm going to have to insist that I drive.''

At that comment, the older brother snorts and trains his eyes on the road ahead of them. ''In your dreams, Sammy.''

In the backseat, Ruby jerks awake with a small cry and Dean's hand's curl tight around the steering wheel, knuckles turning white. She squeezes her eyes shut and holds her breath until it's over. Her hands curl into fists and everything inside of her screams to_ just calm down_. Eventually, the panic goes away and the icy hand gripping her heart dissolves. She takes a long, slow breath and....she's fine again.

''Ruby,'' Dean's voice breaks through the noise in her head and she opens her eyes with a small smile. ''Are you okay?''

''Fine.'' With a barely noticeable grimace of slight discomfort, she shifts into a sitting position, resting her back against the seat. ''So,'' an easy smile comes to rest on her face. It's not a big one, but it's a smile, and that seems to be enough for now. ''How much longer?''

''Not long.''

''I still don't know why Joey wants to see us.''

Sam presses his lips tightly together and tries to keep a small smirk off his face. Luckily, Dean and Ruby don't notice.

Ruby tries not to bite her lip as she leans forwards, pushing blond hair from her face. She tries not to bite her lip anymore. It shouldn't hurt when she kisses Dean, that's not the way it should be. ''Sam,'' she reaches out and hits him on the shoulder. ''Did Joey say what he wanted to see us for?''

''Nope. Not a thing.''

Big liar.

* * *

Once upon a time, in a life from before, Joey Daniels had a wife. He had someone he loved with all his heart. Someone who loved him enough to promise him forever. Once upon a time, he and Victoria had what Dean and Ruby have.

Maybe that's why he's doing this.

Or....

He and Victoria never got the chance to have children. Maybe a small part of him believes Ruby was sent to him for a reason, to give him the daughter he never got the chance to have. From the beginning, Joey felt for the blonde who staggered into his bar one rainy afternoon, radiating pain and grief. For a long time, he watched her suffer in silence, before he finally got the courage to attempt to take care of her.

He let her cry on his shoulder, he listened when she told him stories of the love she had lost, he was there when her lost love came back from the beyond, and he knew from the moment Dean Winchester stepped foot into his bar that the young man really and truly loved Ruby.

Joey has been there since the beginning. Not the beginning of Dean and Ruby's love. The beginning of their breakdown.

And now, he's willing to do anything to help the both of them. You see, family is not just blood and DNA. It's not just names on a piece of paper. It's what's in your heart, and ever since he met her, Ruby has always held a special place in Joey's heart as the daughter he never had and always wanted.

So, when Sam Winchester called him up and told him of his plan to help Ruby and Dean, Joey was all ears.

Because, really, he just wants to see his Ruby go into the light.

* * *

Back then, before Dean and Ruby had told him of their relationship, Sam saw a lot more then they gave him credit for. The night with the witches - not a great night for any of them - he watched as Dean saved Ruby for the first time. He watched as his brother slammed the knife into that demon over and over, and he saw the look exchanged between hunter and demon.

It was just for a second, barely even a second, he doesn't even think Dean and Ruby noticed it, but Sam did. To anyone else, it was nothing, just a fleeting moment that didn't mean anything, Sam knew better. He always did have a knack for sensing when something big was about to happen. Of course, back then he had no idea just what was to come, but he knew there was something between the blonde and his brother.

Because of who they are, who they _were_, he never thought they would actually act on their feelings. And then, one fateful night, he had walked in on something he never wanted to see. After that, it had been the three of them, fighting against the darkness in the world. It was so natural, it almost felt like it had _always_ been the three of them.

When the hell hounds violently ripped Dean away from Sam and Ruby, the family was torn apart. Sam's sure he never would have made it if it weren't for the people looking out for him. Ruby had been all alone. He has no idea what Ruby went through during those ten long months that Dean was gone, but he suspects it wasn't good. When Dean had come back, when they had gotten Ruby back, Sam had foolishly believed everything would go back to normal.

Instead, his brother started slipping away and hiding out in the darkness and the woman who was practically like a sister to him had a nervous breakdown. Since he doesn't have much, family means everything to Sam Winchester. During the toughest months, Sam wanted to help, he _did_. He wanted to help take care of Ruby, he wanted to help his brother deal with his pain, but he didn't know how. So, he left them alone to fix each other.

Now, as they're both healing, as they're starting the long way home, Sam decides it's his turn to help them.

He's determined to help them both into the light.

* * *

Much to Ruby's surprise, when they get to the bar, it's closed. On a Saturday. It strikes her as odd, but she doesn't say anything, she doesn't really think much of it. Then, when she steps inside and sees Joey waiting for them, looking serious and business like, she knows something is definitely going on.

Dean notices too, because he sighs tiredly and scrubs a hand over his face. ''Do I even want to know what's going on here?''

Sam steps away from them and sinks into a chair with a cheerful smile. ''Guess what?''

There's a pause as Dean and Ruby look in between Sam and Joey with hesistation. Finally, Dean speaks up with a roll of green eyes. ''What did you two do?''

Sam and Joey look at each other, all serious, their eyes warm and kind as they look at the couple in front of them. ''We think you two need to get away,'' Sam starts, ''you know, de-stress, have a few days to be together without worrying about the monsters in the dark.''

''So,'' Joey picks up where Sam left off and trains his eyes on Ruby, ''when Sam called me and said he thought you two needed to get away, I said I had a cabin in the woods.'' He tosses a set of keys on the table. ''It's nice, private.'' His eyes glint with humor and a smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. ''Just don't stain my sheets.''

Sam wrinkles his nose and turns to glare at the older man. ''Oh, thank you, there's a mental image I really needed in my head.''

''Anytime, kid.''

However, when they turns their gazes back to Ruby and Dean, they don't see gratitude, they don't see smiles. Actually, they don't see much of anything. Both green and blue eyes are blank, though their mouths are hanging open in shock. They don't move, don't speak, barely even breathe. Sam raises an eyebrow and looks at Joey. ''Did we, like, break them or something?''

And they're snapped back to reality.

Dean and Ruby blink and share a look that clearly says, 'what the hell?' ''Let me get this straight,'' Dean drawls, with a slow smirk, ''there's a war going on out there, and...you want us to go on vacation?''

''Have you two been drinking?'' Ruby adds, barely managing to keep the disbelief from her voice. Yes, of course it would be nice to get away, take a break from this life, spend a weekend away with Dean, but there's just no time.

''It's only for a couple of days,'' Joey says, ''there's no need to be overdramatic, sweetheart. I don't think the war's going to reach it's climax in a weekend.''

Sam nods helpfully. ''It's highly unlikely.''

Dean holds up a warning finger. ''History shows that if anything is unlikely, it's _likely_ to happen to us.''

His brother blows out a breath and pinches the bridge of his nose. Okay, this is going to be harder then he thought. ''Don't you guys think that it would be nice to spend a few days in a real bed and not a lumpy, too small motel mattress?'' There's silence and both Sam and Joey see that they're getting through to the couple.

Ruby bites down on her lip, forgetting for a moment about her vow to never bite her lip again

''Ruby,'' three voices chorus, ''don't bite your lip.''

She stops and latches onto Dean's arm. ''Okay, excuse us for a minute, Dean and I need to have a private conversation.'' She drags him away from Sam and Joey and the two men left behind share a look and then lean forwards, trying to get a look at the couple in the corner. There's a lot of quiet murmurs and some hand gesturing and finally, Ruby clips Dean over the head, he yelps and they both turn to Sam and Joey with smiles that are just a_ little _too bright and fake.

''We'll go.''

* * *

Even before Dean died, they never got to spend a weekened alone.

This is certainly going to be interesting.

The first thing that Ruby sees when they pull up to the cabin is the lake. The water is sparkling in the sunlight, and it's really quite beautiful. The house is cozy and warm and it screams _family_. That's a new one for them. She blows out a sigh and pushes blond hair out of her face as she climbs out of the car. She's not really sure what she and Dean are going to do all weekend.

In a different lifetime, when they were both still okay, they would spend the entire weekend under the sheets, screaming and moaning each other's name until their throats were raw. But, that's not how it's going to be this time. She can't even remember the last time they had sex. She thinks it might have been the night he came back. That was certainly a tiring night. When a small shudder runs through her at the memory, she forces herself back to the present and sighs, turning her gaze to Dean. She wonders if he's ready. She wonders if _she's_ ready. Shaking her head, Ruby smiles somewhat nervously and leans against the car when Dean starts to move towards her.

''So,'' his arms wind around her waist and her smile widens when his lips brush her forehead, ''do you still think this is a good idea?''

She arches an eyebrow and wraps one arm around his neck. ''I think it's a great idea. Time to ourselves,'' she frowns thoughtfully, ''I'm not...not really sure what to do though.'' Their eyes met and the energy that passes between them is slightly nervous and tinged with longing and a lingering sense of desire. Both their breaths start to come in gasps and they pull away abruptly.

''We should...'' She manages to catch her breath with a nervous smile and swallows hard. ''We should go inside. Call Joey and Sam, let him know we got here safely.'' Quickly pressing her lips to his cheek, she moves past him and can't help but wonder if he's watching her walk away.

* * *

Four months.

That's how long it's been.

Four months and every day is a challenge for him. Every day he has to force himself not to pounce on her. He knows she's not ready. He knows she's still not strong enough. That's alright. He can wait forever for her.

Whoa.

_Forever._

That sounds different.

In his life, he's had _a lot _of girls. He's had a lot of one night stands, a lot of weekend flings, he's had girlfriends, and he's been in love before. But with Ruby....it's like every day is falling for the first time. The last thing he wants to do is sound like a sap, because the one thing Dean Winchester is _not_, is a sap. But, if she's not ready, if she's never ready, he thinks he might be able to deal with that, because he's never loved anyone like he loves Ruby and he knows this is a once in a lifetime thing.

Funny, all his life he never thought he would find someone like Ruby. He always just kind of assumed he would simply spend his life as a womanizer. And then, one night, on a dusty country road, everything in Dean Winchester's life changed.

* * *

She's pretty sure she's ready.

Like, eighty five percent sure. That's not enough. In her world, she has to be one hundred percent sure she's ready before she gives herself to him again. It should be easier, to be ready for him, but nothing is ever easy for her anymore. It's not like she likes being all nervous and jittery, it's just....it's been so long since he's wanted her in that way, and she's not sure if she remembers how to be wanted.

Before Dean, she was so sure she would never find someone, she was so sure she didn't _deserve_ someone. And then, that one night changed everything, when blue met green. Someone wanted her.

She wonders how their lives would have turned out if she hadn't had her breakdown. Would their fire have burned out eventually? Would they get sick of the same old routine day after day? She wonders if this breakdown, something so horrible and evil, was really a blessing in disguise.

That's a _strange_ thought.

* * *

Nervously, she pulls her sleeves down over her hands and wraps her arms around herself as her eyes take in the small, cozy, living room that looks like it's straight out of a trashy romance novel. Idly, she wonders when Joey was here last. ''Dean,'' she whirls around to face him, her heart beating wildly in her chest, ''can I ask you something?''

He sees the question in her eyes and moves forwards, tenderly pressing a kiss to her forehead. ''We don't have to do anything you're not ready for.'' She smiles, and he smiles back, because her smile is probably one of the most beautiful things he's ever seen. He's missed it in the past few months. ''I made you smile.''

''You always make me smile.''

There's a moment that passes between them, and they both want to say something, something important. The words are there, bubbling in their throats, but they just can't seem to force them out. They've both been pondering the same important question for days, and right now at this moment, they mean to say everything. But they don't. he sighs. ''Are you okay? You're shaking.''

She swallows a small groan of embarassment and steps away from him, pretending she's not having a total lust attack. ''I'm fine.'' She breaks eye contact first, because she's afraid he'll see that pesky emotion clouding in her eyes and she licks her lips, pushing past him. ''I'm going to go....'' She clears her throat and looks around for an escape she can't find. ''...I'm going to go....outside...now.''

He watches her go, eyebrows raised, and then he sighs again and wonders just when he became such a fucking wimp. Seriously, is he ever going to dig up the courage to ask her that damned question?

He blinks.

Probably not.

* * *

Ruby draws in a deep breath and tears her gaze away from the moonlight outside the window. With a heavy effort to control her breathing, she rolls over and studies Dean carefully, trying to imprint every detail of his sleeping face in her mind. Unlike her, he looks peaceful when he sleeps. She's not sure how she looks when she sleeps, but it's probably not good, judging by how terrifying her dreams are. She probably looks like she's being tortured when she's asleep.

She squeezes her eyes shut for a moment, but opens them quickly when she feels that old familiar monster lurking behind her eyelids. Sleep is coming quickly for her, and she doesn't want to. She never wants to sleep. Everything is so good in the daytime, she hates the moonlight. Moonlight means sleeping. Sleeping means falling headfirst into that dark hallway where she runs and runs forever and she never finds him.

That's all she dreams about now. She used to dream about hell hounds, about everything and anything in this world taking him away. Now, it's just the hallway, just his voice whispering in her ear that he's here, only she can't find him. She hates that darkened hallway where every fear of hers is just waiting in the shadows, watching her with eyes like fire.

Desperate to get the thought out of her mind, she shakes her head and presses herself closer to Dean, like he can protect her from all of it, even when he's sleeping. Out of habit, she twirls the silver ring on her right hand. Outside, there's a noise, like an owl hooting, and she jerks in fright, body going rigid. Rolling her eyes at her own stupidity, she lets out a breath and shifts in the bed, trying to get comfortable.

''Ruby...''

She jumps at his voice and when she looks at him, his eyes are open and he's looking at her wearily. ''Oh! You're...You're awake.'' She smiles nervously and sits up, scooting away from him.

''Please go to sleep.''

She bites down hard on her lip before she can stop herself and feels something warm trickle down her chin. He doesn't seem to see it for a moment and when he does, he bolts upright, grabbing her face in his hands, inspecting the nasty wound. ''Ruby, you're not supposed to bite your lip.'' With a small sigh, he grabs a tissue from the nightstand and presses it to her bleeding lip. ''You know, darlin', one of these days you're going to - ''

'' - Bite right through,'' she finishes, her words muffled by the hand that's pressing the tissue to her lip. ''I know, Dean. I'm sorry, it was habit.'' There's blood on her tongue, it tastes like copper. She swallows it down with a grimace. Slowly, she puts her hand to her lip and their hands brush, sending a small rush of heat through her body. He takes his hand away and looks away from her.

''Will you go to sleep now?''

She has the urge to bite her lip again, but knows she can't. Instead, she collapses back in the bed and sighs, taking the bloodied tissue away. ''I'm not tired.''

''I've lost track of how many times you've said that to me, but it's got to be getting up there. In the hundreds maybe. And every time you say it, it's a lie.'' Dean lays back down next to her, eyes focused on her lip. Gently, he reaches out and fingers the tender spot. Her body shivers under his touch, he pretends he doesn't notice. ''You're lucky you're a fast healer.''

''Luck has nothing to do with it.'' A moment goes by and then, she plasters her best pout on her damaged lips and meets his eyes. ''Will you stay up with me unil I fall asleep?''

''Only because you know I can't resist the pout.''

She grins, ''I'd kiss you, but I'm afraid it'll hurt.'' Feeling slightly more confident and kind of playful, her grin turns devilish. ''Too bad, 'cause I can do amazing things with my mouth.'' She pauses and watches as his mouth drops open. ''Wait,'' she raises an eyebrow and thinks over her words, ''that didn't come out right.'' When he tries to talk, but only manages a small squeak, she laughs and lets her eyes grow just a little lustful. Not too much though, or she'll lose control. ''No, maybe it did.''

''You...'' He swallows and blinks, trying not to think of the amazing things she can do with her mouth. ''You must be really tired, you're gettin' loopy.''

''Am I?''

He narrows his eyes and opens his mouth to say something, when a thought hits him. He can mess with her too. Slowly, he smirks, and meets her eyes. ''Do you remember all the amazing things I can do with _my _mouth? And tongue. And fingers. And - ''

''Okay!'' Her smile turns nervous and her breathing speeds up. ''I'm going to sleep now.''

''Yeah, that's what I thought.''

She rolls over away from him, so he can't see the way her cheeks turn red and her smile turns longing and lusty. One moment passes, just one, and then they both say each other's name and at the same time, they sit up and their lips meet in a hungry kiss. She's not ready, _they're_ not ready, but they seem to have lost the will to say no. And then, she yelps in pain, her lip throbbing and their control returns as they break apart, both breathing heavily. ''Ruby....'' He murmurs, shakily, ''we can't...we can't...''

She nods. ''I know.''

He swallows and they sit in silence for a moment before he speaks up. ''Maybe...Maybe I should sleep on the couch tonight.''

''What?'' Her eyes grow wild and panicked and she reaches out, clawing at his arm. ''No. I can't...I can't sleep by myself. Please, Dean, we can....we can control ourselves.'' She watches as he hesitates and then relaxes, nodding.

''Okay, I'll stay.''

It takes a moment for their breathing to return to normal, and then they lay down and turn away from each other, as far away as possible, so there's no danger their bodies will touch and start a chain reaction of lust and desire. Both take deep breaths to calm themselves down and wonder if sleep will ever come to them after that.

* * *

_You know you've been here before, in this stupid, dark place where you run and run and run forever and ever and ever and yet you never find him. You're always here. There's nothing else. This is all there is._

_But, something feels different about tonight, something feels like....light. It's strange, odd, peculiar, bizarre, but you kind of like it. It makes you feel a little bit better about being in the dark. The light will come someday._

_You look around at the darkness and then you start to run. You'll find him eventually, you have to. There is no alternative. Of course, you're crying, you're always crying here. You don't know how not to cry when he's not here with you._

_''I'm here,'' he whispers and you run faster. There's a corner, and every time you turn, you think maybe he'll be there, but he never is. Breath catching your throat, you turn the corner and stop short, because there's a door there._

_Wait a minute, that's new._

_Just like magic, your tears dry on your cheeks and with a shaking hand, you open the door and step through, to find yourself in a familiar place in your memory that you wish wasn't there. The first thing you see is...youself, backed against the wall, collapsed on the floor, screaming in anguish._

_Your chest tightens, your throat aches, and pressure builds behind your eyes. You think you should keep running and never look back, because you don't want to turn around and see what you know is there. Your body doesn't listen to your heart and you turn around. He's there, on the ground, being ripped away by invisible razor sharp claws. ''No,'' you shake your head and close your eyes, starting to feel that familiar feeling of a panic attack coming on. There's sobs in your throat, begging to be released, but you swallow them down and ignore the way your legs are almost ready to buckle._

_When you turn away, because you can't watch this anymore, you're suddenly outside in cold air, moonlight bouncing off the grimy walls of the alley outside of Joey's as you watch the past you scream at the sky._

_''I'm here,'' you hear him say again and you can't remember if he's talking to you or the woman slumped to the ground._

_''No,'' the past gasps out, ''you're not. You're not here, Dean, you're not, and you...you hurt me. I loved you, you selfish bastard, and you left me. You left me here all alone. I need you, please come back.''_

_No._

_You can't do this, you can't watch yourself break. These are the memories you've been pushing away and you refuse to watch them. In a desperate attempt to keep running, you move through your memory and pull open the door to the bar and hope you can escape your memories._

_You can't._

_Now you're in the clearing and that small little white cross is taunting you._

_''He told me...He said....that he wanted you to have this.'' The silver rings shines and you can't help but let your eyes stray to it. ''But, then, after the....the burial, you just left so fast and I never got the chance to give it to you. And then, I was going to come here anyways tonight, and I thought there was a good chance you would be here, so - ''_

_''Sam! You sound just like him when you ramble.''_

_''You want the ring or not?''_

_''Sam, I...I don't....I-I mean, don't-don't you want it?''_

_You look down at the exact same ring on your finger, swallowing in a stupid attempt to make the tears go away. _

_''Dean wanted _you _to have it, Ruby.''_

_You're watching as the past replays itself right in front of your eyes and you can't help but wish you were back in that dark hallway, running for your life, away from these memories and towards him._

_''Sam, we're...we're going to be okay, right?''_

_You close your eyes and whisper the answer right along with your past, ''Eventually.'' When you open your eyes, you're in the bar and every single word that past you says bounces off the walls and hits you like a physical blow. You just want it to stop, because you can't do this, you can't face the past, it's too hard._

_''He was all I had, Joe.''_

_''Oh, sweetheart....''_

_''I..I don't know what to do without him. I don't know who I'm supposed to be anymore. He took me away, Joe.''_

_In desperation, you run....right into the bathroom, where you're face another memory._

_''You saved me, Ruby. Do you remember that?''_

_''I...I remember.''_

_The next thing you know, you're watching yourself flip out, punching Dean hard enough to send him to the ground. ''You...You..._bastard_!''_

_''Okay, yeah, that wasn't exactly the greeting I had hoped for.''_

_''I hate you!'' You flinch at the words, jumping when a loud crack echoes through the bathroom when the past you slaps him. ''You stupid, _stupid_, jackass! You're not supposed to be able to do this to me! I'm supposed to be _strong_!''_

_''Ruby, Ruby, stop.''_

_You can almost feel his hands closing around your wrists as he tries to get through to you._

_''You left me!'' You watch as you past crashes to the ground, in a broken mess of cries and sobs. It's almost embarassing to watch yourself like this. ''You should have fought harder! You should have stayed with me! You left me here all alone!''_

_You run again, but it doesn't work, and your legs are starting to get weak._

_''Oh,'' you look up in time to see the other you slip that silver ring off her finger, ''I suppose you want this back.''_

_''It looks better on you.''_

_Now, there's memories flying at you so fast you're sure you can't stand much longer. When you inevitably sink to the ground, crying and sobbing, lost in the darkness, you can't take it anymore._

* * *

_''I like you, as in, like you, love you, don't want to lose you. And if you walk away right now, I'm going to lose you, and I refuse to do that again, because I'm already partially broken, and I'm not going to break anymore. So, stay. Stay with me.''_

* * *

_''Take care of me,'' you hear yourself say, broken like a porcelain doll, shattered and unfixable. ''Will you take care of me?''_

_And Dean answers with a slightly broken, ''Always.''_

* * *

_''Ruby,'' he crosses the room and grips your shoulders so tight you're sure it's because he's afraid to let go. _''Breathe.''

* * *

_''So, you don't....You don't mind that you have to take care of me?'' You hate how lost your voice sounds._

_''I'd take care of you until the end of the world, you know that.''_

* * *

_The past you, the person you once were rolls onto her stomach and presses her hand to the ground, craving contact, but knowing she's not quite ready. Dean does the same and the eye contact between the both of you says everything words can't._

* * *

_''I will not lose you, Ruby.''_

* * *

_''Ruby!''_

_You feel his hands push you out of the way and you watch as he takes the hit for you, saving you, always saving you._

* * *

_Slowly, you reach out a shaking hand and make contact, feeling his heart beat under your palm, telling you everything's going to get better if you just hang on. _

_''I'm okay,'' he whispers._

_''You're okay,'' you say back._

* * *

_''A touch is simple. Contact is not.''_

* * *

_''There are moments, not even moments really, just seconds where suddenly it's all very clear. I know this is the end of me. I think...I think I'm dying, baby, and you shouldn't have to see that.''_

* * *

_''Ruby, you....you make me feel things I've never felt before, I need you more than anything in the world, you're my...my...my..._Ruby_, and I have _never_ loved anyone like I love you. And you know what? That scares the hell out of me. You _terrify_ me, baby.''_

* * *

_He drops to his knees and you feel his arms going around your waist and his tears leaking into your clothes like it's all happening again. ''Please stay, please stay with me.''_

* * *

_''Not okay.''_

_''But she'll get there.''_

* * *

_''Do I...Do I really scare you?''_

_''More than anything else in the world.''_

_''You know, Dean, sometimes a little fear can be good.''_

_''Sometimes a little fear can be extraordinary.''_

* * *

_''You make me strong.''_

* * *

_''You know, sometimes....sometimes you're the only one who can make me feel.''_

_''Feel what?''_

_''Anything. _Alive_. Something other than numb.''_

* * *

_''You listen to me, Dean Winchester, you and me....we're going to be fine. We're going to be just fine. We will find okay again, I promise.''_

_''Does this mean...Does this mean you're going to take care of me?''_

_''Always.''_

* * *

_Thump, thump, thump, thump._

_Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe._

_Keep beating._

_Keep breathing._

* * *

_''Promise me you'll never leave me again. Promise me, Dean.''_

_''I promise.''_

* * *

_''Ruby, I'm here.''_

_With a sharp gasp, you look up and find he's been there this whole time._

_''Hey, baby,'' he says with that smirk you love so much, ''did you finally stop running?'' _

_You stand and stare open mouthed for a moment, before your brain kicks in and you run towards him, leaping into his arms. ''I found you!'' Tears well in your eyes, but they're a different kind of tears. They're tears of joy. Through your tears, you pull away and smile, looking into his eyes. ''Dean, I...I found you.''_

_''Baby, I was always here. You're the one that's been running for so long.''_

_''What?'' You shake your head and frown. That's not right, that's not true. It can't be. It doesn't make any sense. ''N-No, I've been...I've been trying to find you, Dean. I've been looking forever.''_

_''Not forever.'' With another smirk, he wipes away your tears and makes you shiver pleasantly like only he can. ''No, Ruby, you've been running from your past. Don't you see, darling? You're afraid to find me, because you're afraid to lose me.''_

_''Who are you and what have you done with my Dean?''_

_His green eyes sparkle with amusement as he holds his hands in the air with a small laugh. ''Hey, babe, I'm just your dream.''_

_For some reason, your eyes are drawn to the blackest sky, and you're not even afraid of the dark anymore. ''I think...I think it's going to rain.''_

_''Ruby,'' he grabs your face in his hands and forces you to meet his eyes. That's okay, you don't mind, you've waited long enough to look into those green irises. ''Are you ready to walk with me?'' Like a sudden downpour, white rose petals start to fall from the sky, the exact opposite of the black ones that fell all those months ago. He smiles and brings himself closer to you, rough hands feeling like heaven on your skin._

_''Walk with you where?'' You whisper and your voice sounds far away, like you're not really here. With a small start, you realize all of a sudden why this is happening. You're starting to wake up. This is all a dream._

_This._

_Isn't._

_Real._

_Slowly, you meet his eyes one last time before you wake up. ''Walk with you where, Dean?'' You repeat._

_''Into the light.''_

Blue eyes snap open and she finds herself back in the real world once again. She's surprised to find that she's still breathing.

* * *

Dean rolls over in the soft bed and his hand hits the empty space where she should be. With a groan, he opens his eyes and blinks. ''Ruby?''

* * *

He finds her outside, by the lake, sitting in a chair on the dock, looking totally lost in thought, like she wouldn't even notice if he waved a hand in front of her face. He's not sure what time it is, but he can see the sky is threatening light in the distance. ''Good God, Ruby,'' he gasps out breathlessly, startling her out of her trance, ''What the hell are you doing? You couldn't leave a note or something?''

''Dean - ''

''I mean, you nearly gave _me_ a panic attack.''

''Dean - ''

''Okay, yeah, that wasn't funny, but you really - ''

''Dean!''

He stops, takes a breath, and looks down at her amused face. ''What?''

She doesn't say anything for a moment, she stays perfectly still and silent, staring at him until he grows uncomfortable under her steady gaze. Finally, her eyes grow curious and she purses her lips, like it doesn't aggravate her sore lip. Slowly, he sees her swallow nervously and then she meets his eyes. ''Do you wanna marry me?'' He freezes and his mouth drops open. Well....now he won't have to worry about trying to get that question out. Before he can answer, she stands and holds her hand up. ''Wait, don't say anything yet. I'm...I'm not finished yet.'' Those eyes of hers sparkle and she takes a breath, looking nervous, wringing her hands as she speaks. ''Alright, yes, I am a demon and technically, we can never actually legally get married. I don't even have a last name. But....marriage is like family. It's not just a piece of paper. I just figure...well...'' She laughs slightly, ''there's never going to be anyone else like you out there, and I'm never going to fall into a love like this again, but...but, I-I mean, I know y-you can do a lot better than m-me, so if you...if you want out this would be the time to tell me. I'm...asking you to promise me forever, Dean, and that's...that's a lot to ask.'' Shifting, she wraps her arms around herself, shivering as a cold breeze ruffles her hair away from her face. ''I understand if you're not ready, baby, it's just that I...I had a dream tonight, the one where I couldn't find you. Only tonight....I-I did. I did find you, or you found me, I'm still not really clear on that. The point is that, I'm pretty sure it's over, I'm pretty sure the dreams are gone now, I'm going to be okay, and I want to be okay with you.'' She stops and takes a few deep breaths, smiling weakly before she speaks up again. ''Okay. That's it, I'm done now. You go.''

For a moment it's all very silent as he goes over the words in his head. When he tries to speak, no words come out. He tries again. Nothing. She begins to grow nervous. It's a long, painful silence that comes next and she's so sure he's going to say no, that she actually starts to prepare herself for rejection. Finally, when he can speak, he looks at her and takes a step towards his girl. ''Forever?''

She swallows hard and laughs nervously. ''Okay, I can see what you're going to say and...and I get it, I do, so...I should go.'' Those damned nerves of hers have somehow managed to convince her that he's going to say no, so she starts to move away from him, because she really doesn't want to hear no. However, he's not about to let her go, so he grabs her arm, pulls her body to his and kisses her. She responds, hungrily and her arms wind around his neck out of instinct. They're both so distracted by the word _forever_ that they can't even begin to lose control. She pulls away finally and looks at him carefully.

''I'm tryin' to promise you forever here, Ruby,'' he smirks and meets her eyes, ''it doesn't work if you walk away.'' Gently, he takes her hand and slides the silver ring off her hand and puts it right where it belongs, on her left ring finger. It's just a small gesture, it wouldn't mean much to the average person, but Dean and Ruby are not average.

''This means forever?'' She questions, turning her eyes to the ring that suddenly seems a whole lot more beautiful then it did before.

He nods and presses his lips to her forehead. ''This means forever.'' He swallows hard and slowly gains the nerve to speak, his smirk stretching into a small smile. ''Ruby...you're...you're beautiful, and smart, and you're strong. You're _so_ strong. You'd have to be to get through everything that's happened in one piece. You're stronger then me, that's for sure, and...and I don't think I've ever told you this, but....you amaze me. Every single day. I've never met a girl like you before.'' He pauses and chooses his next words very carefully, because these next words are the ones that have been racing around in his head for the past week and a half. ''Ruby...my father...he didn't love much. Sure, he loved me, and he loved Sam, because we were his kids, but...the way he loved my mother...'' He shakes his head and smiles a smile that's nervous and it makes her smile because she doesn't think she's ever seen him this nervous before. ''...For the longest time I was so sure I would never find anyone to love like that. Until I fell in love with you.'' He reaches down and takes her hands, pulling her body to his. ''Every part of you, every perfection, every flaw, your eyes, either black or blue, your smile, your heart, the fears, the panic, the dreams, the way you love me, _everything_. There isn't a part of you that I don't love. I've told you things that I've never even told Sam. You're my...my...'' This time, he finds a way to finish that sentence. ''You're my girl, and I don't...I don't think I ever want to lose you. So...if you need me to promise you forever, I can do that.''

There's tears gathering behind her eyes, but she doesn't let them fall, smiling and shaking her head. ''I think...I think you just did.''

He clears his throat and tries to put his tough guy mask in place, because, really, there's no need to get all choked up over a fluffy, declaration of love, he is _Dean Winchester_ for God's sake. ''Does this mean we're kind of married now?''

The early morning light casts shadows on her face, but her smile lights the shadows and she beams through her tears. ''I guess it kind of does. How do you feel about that?''

He shrugs, ''I think I can live with that.''

''Are you sure you can put up with me forever? Because forever is a very long time, Dean.''

''I can manage.''

''Now we have to get you a ring, short bus.''

''Don't ruin the moment, blondie.''

Their lips meet in a soft kiss that seals the deal forever and now, they're officially stuck with each other until their hearts give out. The kiss is softer then any kiss they've ever shared and she's not sure if it's because it's meant to be soft and and gentle, or if he's just being unusually careful with her lips because he doesn't want to aggravate her tender lip. Whatever the reason, she decides she'll take it. With his lips on hers and her body pressed into his, her eyes open for just one second and she realizes something very important.

She's ready.

One hundred percent.

* * *

Now, the're tethered together forever. They've been tethered together for two days now, it's their last night, and guess what? They_ still_ haven't had sex. Not because they don't want to, because, _God, _do they want to. He just doesn't want to push her into anything she's not ready for and she's afraid to make the first move.

But seriously, with the amount of sexual tension and frustration between them, it's amazing they manage to sleep in the same bed at night. Yes, _sleeping_. Turns out, Ruby had been right when she said the dreams were gone, because now, she's slept through the night and she hasn't had a panic attack since they've been here. He was so proud and amazed when he woke in the morning and she was sleeping peacefully beside him, silver ring glinting in the morning sunlight.

Neither of them are sure what's going to happen when they rejoin the real world. They wonder how Sam and Joey are going to react when they see what finger her ring is on. They both have a long way to go still. The dreams may be gone, but they still have healing to do. But they're going to reach okay.

The bottom line is, they _really_ need some sex.

This is their last night in their little haven and there has to be something going on in that bed besides sleeping. God, it doesn't even have to be the bed. Anywhere really. Just, for God's sake, they need to get those clothes off!

* * *

_''Ruby, I'm feeling extremely uncomfortable with this conversation.''_

She rolls blue eyes at the sound of Joey's voice and lugs a heavy bag onto the bed with ease. ''Well, I'm sorry, Joe, but since I don't have any girlfriends and I really don't want to talk to Sam about this, you're all I got.''

_''Oh, thank you, sweetheart, that makes me feel special.''_

Ruby rolls her eyes and unzips the bag, rifling through it in search of something. ''Look, Joey, I realize this is uncomfortable for you, but think about me. I haven't had sex in four months. Everything Dean does turns me on. Seriously, he was changing the oil in the car today and I almost - ''

_''Stop! Please, I'm begging you. I am an old man, you might give me a heart attack.''_

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, forcing herself not to bite her lip. ''Oh. Sorry, got a little carried away there.''

_''Oh, geez, you think? I really don't want to hear about this, it'll make me think of all the things that boy could be doing to my sweetheart and then I'll want to rip his still beating heart out and you wouldn't like that wouldn you?''_

''Uh...no. Can't you just give me some fatherly advice?''

_''Fatherly advice about sex?''_

''....Yes.'' There's silence for a minute and she starts to think he's hung up on her. ''Joey?'' There's some low murmuring and then she hears Joey speak up.

_''You need to pinch his cheeks and call him 'princess'.''_

''E-Excuse me?'' Ruby's mouth falls open and she holds the phone away from her ear for a moment before she speaks again. ''_Yeah_, listen, Joey, I don't know what kind of scary ass kinky crap you're into, but - ''

_''What?! No! Not you, Ruby! I was talking to the new girl, Frankie. Harry McFarland fell asleep again and - Aw, shut up, Sherman! It's not funny! Ruby, that's how Harry's wife wakes him up, it's what she told us to do when he passes out here. But, do_ not _do that to your boy!''_

''Oh,'' she laughs, albeit somewhat weakly, and licks her lips, collapsing on the bed and crossing her legs. ''Good, 'cause that really freaked me out. I don't need to know the scary shit you've had your girls do to you.'' And then she wishes she hadn't said that because there's really bad images in her head now.

_''That's a lovely way of putting it, sweetheart.''_

''Joey, will you just tell me how to have sex with my husband?!'' The word rolls off her tongue and she thinks about it for a moment, mulling it over. Husband. Sounds so formal.

_''I'm sorry, did you just say husband?!''_

Ruby hears a chorus of ''ooh's'' from the drunks in the bar and smiles when she hears Sherman's cry of ''way to go, baby-girl!'' ''Yeah,'' she shrugs and can practically hear Joey gripping the phone tightly. ''I just wanted to try it out. Sounds a little weird, doesn't it? A good weird though.''

_''Ruby, puh-_lease_ tell me you didn't marry that boy.''_

''Not legally.''

_''Legally means nothing to me.''_

She chuckles lightly, eyes crinkling in amusement. ''I promise you I'll explain everything when we get back tomorrow. Now...do you have any advice for me?'' Another long silence before he sighs and speaks.

_''Ruby, whatever you're going to do, don't do it for him. Do it for you. Don't do anything you're not ready for just to make him happy.''_

A soft smile comes to rest on still slightly damaged lips and she stands. ''See? Was that so hard?''

_''No sex without safe sex, darlin', and if you break my bed, you're payin' for it.''_

''Thank you, Joey.''

_''I would say anytime, but I really hope we never have this conversation again. I should go, Harry's not waking up. It'd be a big day here if we had to call an ambulance.''_

''Anything to keep Sherman entertained.''

_''You said it.''_

Ruby laughs and flips her phone shut, turning her gaze back to the bag. Frowning, she narrows her eyes and digs back in, determined to find what she's looking for.

* * *

There's really nothing wrong with the Impala, but Dean will do anything to get his mind off of how hot she looks when she licks her lips, or how tight those jeans are on her, or how he can see her nipples through that shirt, or - whoa!

_Bad thoughts, Dean!_

He jolts himself out of his dirty thoughts and jerks upright, smacking his head on the opened hood of the Impala. ''Ow! Son of a bitch!'' The wrench in his hand slips out of his grasp and lands with a clink. Rubbing the back of his head, Dean closes his eyes and tries to think of something...else. Anything else.

''Baby!'' Ruby's voice drifts from inside. ''You okay?!''

''I'm...'' He clears his throat at the small squeak. ''I'm fine!'' His phone rings and he lets out a relived smile, plucking the phone out of his pocket. ''Hello?''

_''Husband?!''_

Dean winces and holds the phone away from his ear. ''Sam?''

_''Husband?! Dean...husband?!''_

''Stop saying that.''

_''She called you her husband!''_

A smile tugs at the corners of the older brother's lips as he leans casually against the car, arching an eyebrow. ''She did?''

_''Yes, she called Joey and he said she called you her husband. Dean, you'd better start talking right now, or I swear to God when you get back, I'm going to do some serious damage to your baby!''_

Dean scoffs and rolls his eyes, clearly unimpressed. ''Yeah right, like you'd ever hurt Ruby.''

_''Not Ruby, you dolt! Your car!''_

At that, the elder Winchester narrows his eyes and glares, despite the fact that Sam can't see him. ''Bitch.''

_''Jerk.''_

''Alright, look, Ruby and I did not get married....technically. I just kind of put a ring on her finger and promised her forever.'' There's a pause, but Dean can hear Sam's labored breathing and knows his brother is trying to calm himself down.

_''And was this...promise of forever said in front of a judge, because guess what, big bro, that's called _getting married_!''_

''Oh, relax, Sammy, we're not legally married. But, honestly, come on, you had to have seen this coming.''

_''Well, it would have been nice to get a call.''_

''Next time.''

_''You're anticipating there being a next time?''_

''I'm hanging up now, Sam.''

_''Wait, wait, wait! Can I ask you a question?''_

Dean pushes off the car and moves towards the lake. No matter what he says, Sam's going to ask anyways. ''Shoot.''

_''Is married sex better than unmarried sex?''_

Somewhat awkwardly, he looks at the ground and kicks at a rock. ''I...uh...I wouldn't know.'' And he swears he can almost _hear _the slow smirk that stretches across his brother's face.

_''Let me get this straight,'' _Sam drawls, _''the all mighty, self proclaimed womanizer Dean Winchester hasn't even consummated his....marriage?''_

Dean frowns and looks at the phone for a minute. ''Did you use quotations when you said marriage?''

_''Maybe. You'll never know.''_

He rolls his eyes, ''No, okay, Ruby and I haven't had sex...in awhile actually.'' He has absolutely no idea why he's telling his brother this, but he can't seem to stop the words coming out of his mouth.

_''How long is awhile.'' _

Dean coughs out an answer and hopes he won't have to repeat it. No such luck.

_''What was that?''_

He sucks in a breath and lets it out slowly before he answers. ''Four months.'' Pause. And then...

_''Ha ha, you're sexually frustrated.''_

''Are you twelve?''

_''You'd have to cut me open and count the rings.''_

''As pleasant as that sounds, I think I'll just settle for hanging up on you.''

_''Wait! I'll be serious. Talk to me, Dean, what's goin' on?''_

The older Winchester waits a long time before answering. ''I...I don't want to push her into anything.''

_''No, you just want to push into - ''_

''Sam!''

_''Last one, I promise.''_

Dean shakes his head and tries to pin point the exact moment he and his brother switched personalities. ''What if she's not ready?''

_''Well...you're never going to know if you don't try.''_

''Oh, thanks, you've been a big help.''

_''Dean, it's been four months, she's healing. I think she's ready. I've seen the way she looks at you.''_

''Then why hasn't she said anything?''

_''Maybe she's waiting for you to make the first move.''_

Dean blinks and stares out at the sparkling lake like it can give him all the answers to every question. A moment passes and he hears his brother's voice in his ear.

_''Dean, are you hesitating because you're not sure she's ready, or because you're not sure you're ready?'' _Dean doesn't answer, Sam keeps talking, _''I know there's been something going on with you, I know there's something under the surface. I know you're not alright, and I won't lie, it did feel...strange, to know that you were talking to Ruby about it and not me. Dean, we're not...we're not like we were before, are we?''_

''....No....''

_''Do you think we ever could be?''_

One thing's for sure. This is definitely getting Dean's mind off sex. He shifts uncomfortably and his grip on the cellphone tightens. ''That depends.''

_''On what?''_

''Are you keeping things from me, Sammy?''

Long silence.

_''...Yes...'' _Before Dean can speak up, Sam continues, _''But only because I'm not sure they're things you'll want to hear.''_

''I'll listen anyways.''

_''Okay then, when you get home, I'll tell you everything. I...I promise. Right now we're dealing with your intimacy problems.''_

''I do not have intimacy problems.''

_''Dean, do you love Ruby?''_

''Yes.''

_''Are you going to spend forever with her?''_

''Yes.''

_''Is everything getting better?''_

''Yes.''

_''Are you both finally healing?''_

''Yes.''

_''Are you afraid of being intimate with her?''_

''Yes - hey! You tricked me!'' A glare falls naturally over the elder Winchester's face and he grips the phone tightly. So tightly in fact, he fears he'll break it and he has to loosen his grip. Finally, he sighs and closes his eyes briefly. ''I...I don't want to break her, Sam.''

_''Even you're not that good.''_

''Not like that, and I so am. I don't want to make her do something she's not ready for, she'll have a relapse. Things are just getting better, she can't have a relapse now.''

_''You know, Dean, I don't think she's as fragile as you think she is.''_

Dean waits for the rest of the big long speech to come, but it never does. ''Is that all you're going to give me?''

_''Yes. That's all you need. Now, get in there and fu - ''_

''Goodbye, Sam.'' Barely managing to keep the amused smile from spreading across his face, Dean flips the phone shut and turns back to the house, just as her voice floats through the quickly darkening outside air.

''Dean! Can you come in here?!''

''Comin' baby!''

Oh, if only he was.

* * *

Ruby takes a few deep breaths and looks at her reflection, cocking her head to the side as she studies herself critically. Carefully, she gives her hair one last fluff and steps back. Good enough? She thinks so. When she hears the front door open and close, her heart begins to thunder wildly in her chest. Not because she's nervous, but because she's excited. Well, okay, so she's a little nervous.

Slowly, she moves into the bedroom, tugging at her clothes one last time, before the door opens. She licks her lips, because she's not sure what else to do. Should she perch on the bed, like they do in the movies? Hold a rose between her teeth like they do in romance novels? No, she doesn't think so. She's good just the way she is.

As soon as Dean sees her standing there, his jaw drops open because she's clad only in a silk, pale peach negligee that doesn't cover much and she looks really, _really_ good. At the sight of all the creamy white skin he's been missing for so long, his mouth starts to water and he swallows quickly, looking quite nervous himself. ''Baby...''

She smiles a slightly jittery smile and does a small twirl. ''So...what do you think?''

''Ruby...what are you...what are you doing?''

''I'm...'' She gulps and takes a tiny step forwards. ''....Making the first move.'' She takes another step, and then another, and another, and with each step she takes towards him, she feels a little more confident. ''Dean...'' Her hands reach out and grip his jacket as she slowly meets his eyes. The lust in green eyes makes her shiver. It's not unplesant at all. ''I love you,'' she breathes, ''and I want to do this. I want...to be with you.''

He doesn't say anything, so she kisses him soundly on the lips, making sure to slip her tongue into his mouth just enough to leave him wanting more. He's the one that pulls away first however, swallowing down a groan and drawing in a slightly shuddering breath. ''Ruby, are you sure you're ready for this?''

She answers with a hungry kiss, sliding his jacket off his shoulders. The kiss heats up in record time and she presses her body into his, starting to tremble with something other than fear and panic. His lips move to her neck and she makes a noise that could either be a whimper or a moan. ''Do you want me to stop?'' She doesn't answer, her hands gripping his shirt tightly, her breathing more then a little labored. ''Ruby,'' he says her name more forcefully and pulls away, gently untangling her hands and meeting her eyes. ''Do you want me to stop?''

''No,'' she manages to get out, and there's no fear in her eyes or her voice. None at all. ''I don't want you to stop. I'm ready, Dean. Are you?'' He thinks about it for a moment, and then answers by lifting her into his arms and carrying her over to the bed, lips meeting again. Only this time, they don't stop, and a kiss becomes something more.

And then they're beneath the sheets, and it's funny, they've done this a thousand times together, but it still feels like the first time, because this is different then all those other times.

When he tells her she's beautiful, it's not just lust she hears in his voice, it's love, and she doesn't scream his name like she used to before the hell hounds and the breakdowns, she moans it in that soft, breathy voice that he loves so much.

Their bodies don't seem to yell, ''we'll be together for as long as we can!'' They merely whisper, ''we'll be together forever.''

And they don't touch. They make contact.

After all, a touch is simple. Contact is not.

* * *

Arms crosses, spring breeze ruffling her hair, Ruby studies the sparkle, glimmer, glistening lake, wanting nothing more then to make this last forever. This weekened was definitely a good idea. She doesn't really want to leave, now. She doesn't want to go back to the real world, and the real war, she wants to stay hidden away with Dean in his place forever.

Two arms snake around her waist, ''Babe, we have to go sometime.''

She groans and turns around, arms going around his neck instinctively. ''Do we have to?''

''Afraid so. The real world calls.''

''Stupid real world.'' She lets her eyes stray to the water surrounding them and smiles. ''We should come back here sometime.''

''I like that plan.''

''Yes, I'm sure you do.'' She leans up and loses her lips in his, feeling braver then she's felt in a long time. And then she gets the most wonderful, awful idea ever. Grinning wickedly against his lips, Ruby takes one step backwards and they both go plunging into the water. She surfaces first, cackling in delight, he surfaces next, gasping for air as he narrows his green eyes.

''You're the devil.''

She smirks and swims over to him, arms going around his neck, legs wrapping around his waist. ''I don't believe in the devil.''

''Hmmm, yes, I think you've mentioned that before.''

Previously, for the past four months, all that's resided on her face is shadows. They're gone now, as she smiles and meets his eyes. ''Dean, I'm going to ask you a question now and you have to promise you'll be truthful.''

''Okay.'' His arms wrap around her waist, holding her tight. ''Should I be worried?''

''What do you see when you look at me now?''

He looks at her for a moment and smiles when he can't see that breaking, fragile girl made out of porcelain, ready to crack at any given moment. He sees her again in those blue eyes. ''I see Ruby.''

She laughs and it sounds like a song as she captures his lips in hers. Easily, the kiss heats up and she pulls away just enough to murmur something in his ear. ''So, what do you think? Are we reaching okay?''

''Oh, yeah, we're almost okay, babe.''

''Dean...'' She kisses him again, ''I think we can be a little late getting back, don't you?''

When she throws him a sexy smirk, he raises his eyebrows. ''Yeah,'' he nods, approving fully of the plans she has in her head. ''We can be a little late.''

And hand in hand, they go into the light.

**end story**

* * *

**AN: Whew! And there you have it, the end of **_**Wait Until Morning.**_** I'll probably do more in this series later on, but for now I'm going to concentrate on some other projects I'm working on. So, was this chapter worth the wait? Long enough? Was the 'sex' scene acceptable. Originally, the sex scene was longer and more...**_**ahem**_**...let's say...**_**graphic**_**. But I really didn't like the way it turned out, so I made it short and sweet (did that sound wrong to anyone else?) instead of long and reminiscent of a Harlequin romance novel. Also, I was going to have Dean and Sam hash out their problems over the phone, but I decided their problems could not be solved **_**over the phone**_**. Now, about their little speech's on the dock when they got....let's say tethered, I'm trying to avoid saying ''married''. I spent literally hours making sure those speech's were just right and I still don't know how I feel about them, hopefully they're good enough. Anyways, about this series. I have recently christened this series 'The Silver Ring Series' and if anyone has **_**any**_** ideas as for what you want to see happen next in this series, I'll definitely try and give it a shot.**

**I just want to say thank you to everyone that's read and reviewed this story, or favorited it, or put it on story alert.**

**Catch ya later!**


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